My word for the day was “oneness.” I don’t know if I focused on it as much as I’d have liked. Had a bit of a Zen moment when waiting for a tutoring appointment, though. Did my concentration activity and then sat and enjoyed nature. Felt very one with everything.
Today I left my phone at home. I’ve often wondered what would happen if I didn’t have a phone. Now I know. Life goes on. You make do. There were a few times I wanted to communicate with people. I wasn’t able to call a tutoring student about a no-show. I wasn’t able to check in with Brian, as I normally do during the day. But it was fine. I took care of both of those later, and everything went on as normal. And it was actually pretty freeing knowing that I was cut off from my communication device. I think I was a little more present-minded.
I have discovered that a “balanced schedule”, as listed on my current 10 Most Wanted List, actually requires a delicate balance. When I have completely packed my schedule, I get anxious and frustrated, feeling overstimulated and resentful. However, when I have a big block of free time, I also fall to pieces, losing momentum and motivation and not getting anything done. So, basically, I think I just need to be scheduled in everything — even my free time. Like: From 1pm to 2pm I will sit and just be. From 2pm to 3pm I will attend the Health Meetup. Etc. That’s what I’m thinking, anyway.
I have also discovered that I don’t mind service, — helping people — if I’m given enough notice. I think a week’s notice. And if it doesn’t take up almost every day of my week. Each week I have a vision of the week in mind, and it locks into my mind. Sometimes I have times locked in, too. So, if I’m expecting something to last a certain amount of time, and people ask me for help with something afterward, I withdraw and become resentful. I also find that if I have a “free” day — which means I don’t have an out-of-the-house engagement (but inevitably have plenty I want to get done at home that day) — and someone asks for a commitment to something, I again become resentful.
I think the best solution for this again is to schedule that “free time.” Schedule in a date for laundry, for writing, for a home-cooked dinner, etc. And not feel guilty about it.
Neither guilt nor resentment will help me in my soul progression.