In the last post I shared a flashback to the Camino last year. So, then I thought: Why not go back even further? The following is an excerpt from the first day of my study abroad experience in Mexico on January 1st 2001 (translated from Spanish because I even wrote the journal in Spanish!)
Ah. I will try to write much in Spanish, but I may need help. Maybe I can understand new vocabulary in this way. I want to start a vocabulary journal. In this way I hope to understand new words. So, I have felt many different feelings. First, sadness and a lot of fear. A lot. Suddenly I wondered “Why am I doing this?” And also, the feelings I shouldn’t feel until 2 weeks from now! Many times I thought: “Why am I here?” Why don’t I leave from here and return to my country and my house. At first, when I left my parents, I wanted to cry. Suddenly I realized that I was leaving my parents, my roots. Everything. It didn’t matter that I was leaving ____ or ________ or ____________, although I missed ______________ a little more,. I missed my sister, but most I missed my parents and wanted to bring them with me. This pen isn’t good. I have a lot of blotches. I didn’t know where I needed to meet with Juliette. I was lost at customs and didn’t even know which parts of which documents I needed to fill out. Juliette told me that my classes are incorrect. How frustrating! Well, it’s possible I can find better classes. I wonder which classes are correct. Now I’m registered for 2 classes — how funny! The way I see it, I can see this situation in 2 ways: how horrible/how funny. But all could be much worse. I stay with a very nice family. The only problem is that they speak too fast. I can’t understand much. And the words slur together. I feel dumb/stupid. I want them to know that I’m an intelligent girl and that although I didn’t take a class last semester and haven’t practiced much — I know some words in Spanish. I have a vocabulary — only, it isn’t good. And my comprehension isn’t very good. Also, I am very tired. I need a nap. I don’t know how I will write to everyone. I will need to send an e-mail to everyone at the same time. No one will like that but I think that I don’t have other options. One of these days I will cry, I know, but I must stay. I know that I would stay, no matter what. It is difficult when the first day I have this problem. I hope that I can have my parents with me. And I want to understand how _____’s trip went. So fast! It’s incredible! It reminds me that I need to speak very slowly with foreigners. English is a very difficult language. I feel bad that I haven’t dealt with ______ very well. But I have a fear of being uncomfortable. He was a boy, and wanted me to go to his apartment alone. How crazy! Well, I wanted to be independent. I wanted to leave my parents, sister, and friends. Well, here I am. I am not like _____. We are different, I think. But, I do enjoy my independence. I am happy that I did so much on my own. I did it! I’m here! I am here. Just boarding the plane was difficult. But I made it! And packing! Very difficult. I need to rest. I realized two things. First, all could be worse and all could get better. It is only the first day! I need to pray. Where did I put my prayer papers like “Our Father”? I don’t know. I’m tired. I must to bed. Until tomorrow.
Much love and many blessings. ❤