Posts tagged ‘self’

Angels and Darkness

ID-100100654On Angels. . .

I had the lovely thought today that the angels are actually in constant communication with me.  Why not?  If they are with me always, why do I feel I need to wait to hear from them?  Why always be connected?  A few posts ago I mentioned that I woke up one morning and the kitchen faucet was running.  A few days later my sister had the same experience in her downstairs bathroom.  I suspected angels were at play, and this was confirmed by a friend at this past weekend’s teacher’s conference in Missouri.  She said the first was my cats (as suspected), but the 2nd was an angel/past loved one letting me know that he/she was with me (and my sister!).  Then just last night I had a similar experience.  As I was leaving class and heading into the parking lot, the streetlamp went out.  “How inconvenient!” I thought, as I fished around in the darkness for my keys.  After parking my car in the garage, I decided to walk out to the mailboxes and get my mail before going in.  Just as I reached the mailbox, again, the streetlamp flickered out.  Again, I fiddled with keys in the darkness.  Coincidence?  I’m beginning to think coincidences are just our angels chatting with us.  Or maybe our inner self.  The higher parts of ourselves and higher beings around us communicate their love and support through patterns and through synchronicities.  Look for these.  Do you keep seeing the same number sequences?  Do the messages in the radio songs communicate exactly what you needed to hear?  Do words jump out at you from pages?  The true nature of reality is connectedness. So, these angel messages are a comforting reminder of this.  Check out my most recent angel patterns of repeated 3’s  and 1’s and 2’s.  (They are pretty sweet!)


On Darkness. . .

I discovered a new aspect of myself today, and I don’t like it.  I call it “The Self-Sabotager.”  And it frightens me.  I have received messages from angels and intuitives that the universe is ready to give — but I am not willing to receive.  Is this the work of the self-sabotager?  Is this why I have sometimes struggled to manifest?  My metaphysics teacher has given me the assignment to keep a record of my thoughts (particularly the negative ones) and to begin identifying different aspects of myself — and to draw pictures of each one.  I have lately identified “Fear”, “The Doubter”, “Ms. Failure”, and “The Perfectionist.”  But this most recent one has frightened me the most.  This morning Brian gave me a referral for my business, and I felt an emotional response akin to a firm resistance.  I was shocked.  Why was I responding this way?  Why wouldn’t I want the best for myself?  I realized then that I’d been noticing this in the presence of others, too — a subtle, undercurrent of satisfaction at others’ inability to succeed.  Where does this come from?  What does this mean?

It clearly has something to do with ego.  It is a sense of separateness that prevents my light from shining and that disconnects me from others.  I once told my previous metaphysics teacher that there was a part of me that was afraid of my superconscious.  I don’t think she believed me.   But, now, I’m convinced it’s true.  There is a part of me that does not want me to succeed.  There is a part of me that is comfortable with failure and even derives pleasure from it.  I still don’t understand why.  Maybe there is a fear that my ego will dissolve in the brilliance and connectedness of the universe.  But whatever the reason, I don’t want this part interfering anymore.  It’s time to change.  It’s time for alignment, entrainment.  It’s time to let my light shine and bring my dark parts into the spotlight, to see them for what they are and to call them out.  They will not longer direct me from the shadows.  Truly, the possibilities are endless.  I am wall-less.  I am imagination incarned.  I am freedom.  I am light.

Blessings and endless possibilities to all of you for the highest good. ❤


Image courtesy of Victor Habbick at 🙂


What is the ego? What is my ego? I’m not entirely sure. I know that I am not the ego. I’ve been thinking about my past lives a lot. I’ve gotten two past life readings and one crossing, and my personality seems to be different in each lifetime. At least – my life paths are different. I wonder – how can all of those people from all those lives be the same person, be the same soul? So, I’d imagine that my ego changes. If I do not take my ego with me, my ego must be that difference. My ego changes from lifetime to lifetime. So, again, I am not the ego.

Then, everything that is not the I Am, everything that is not the soul is the ego. Anything that is left is the conscious mind and the ego. The conscious mind and the ego work together. So, anything that is related to my conscious level existence is related to the ego. My identity in this lifetime is connected to the ego, all of my forms of outer expression. All of the layers that I have added to myself. All of my conscious mind motivations are the ego. Much of the physical life is connected to the ego.

The ego is motivation. The ego requires direction. The stronger the will, the more one can work in harmony with the ego. As my teacher has explained, the ego can be like a well-trained pit bull — intimidating in its strength and size but always obedient to the master (the mind). A wayward ego is untrained, prone to drama and chaos. It runs with an undirected imagination and can either play it safe or run amuck, like a crazy puppy, leaving destruction and chaos in its wake.

How can I work with the ego? I train the ego to surrender.   I train the ego to release attachments. The ego must accept its mortality and internalize the concept of sacrifice. If I am to live for the good of all concerned, the ego must come with me (and stay just behind me).


Images courtesy of saphatthachat and Witthaya Phonsawat at



Takes a Little Time

Image courtesy of luigi diamanti/

Image courtesy of luigi diamanti/

I’ve discovered lately that my cranky meter relates to how I’m taking care of myself.  Right now that mostly means free time/fun time/not-keeping-myself-busy time.  (Blogging is an appropriate example.)  If I have kept myself too busy, I get cranky.  I get myself worked up about everything and anything, and if Brian is around, I attempt to drag him in as an audience.

My intuitive health report told me that I need to examine the greater purpose for my actions so that I do not become resentful.  I am presently very upset and resentful, so I’m taking a look.  I thought I had my schedule set, going into last week, and then my full-time job switched my schedule on me and threw me into a tizzy.  Suddenly my huge chunks of evening time had disappeared.  Where did they go?  Let’s see:  I’m getting more sleep.  I have a little more time to get ready in the morning.  I have a little more time at night.  That’s good.  I still have no Wednesday evenings because of Metaphysics class, but I have chosen that class for my betterment.  I will have no Tuesday nights because of my improv class, but I have chosen that as one of my passions. So, that leaves me the rest of the week to monitor.

Gatherings with friends are tough right now because I love my friends and enjoy being with them, but then I end up choosing between them and myself.  The same goes for volunteer activities. I know it’s good for me, but right now it’s just not good for me.

So, right now I need to force myself to focus on me.  I know “force myself” is not the best way to look at it, but it’s 8:26 in the morning, and I need to take the dog out and allow for highway traffic on my way to work, so I can contemplate this further in the car.  Cindy talked with me this morning about shifting “my energy”, shifting my perspective when I look at things.  So, I’m going to add that to my purposes for this week.

When I get home from work, the first thing I’m going to do (besides Wednesdays) is do something fun.  Something fun that is not tied to work in any way.)  That is my assignment.  And during work — especially my weekday job — my purpose is to build my concentration.  My final goal for this week is to pursue Chicagoland area temp agencies for office positions and to look at for research into the types of jobs that fit my skills and interests, using key terms: “bilingual” and “creative ideas.”

Gotta go. But I’m feeling better already. 🙂

Rapid Reflection

It’s time for bed.  So here’s my quickie reflection based on the last few hours:

  • I’ve been having trouble with the mirror exercise.  And today we were supposed to picture ourselves.  I couldn’t.  Lack of concept of self = reason for blurry image?  Perhaps!
  • WHO AM I?
  • Funny that parts of the teaching come from what I’ve already been learning and already believe!
  • Extreme resistance to parts of class –> dissipated with time –> What does this mean?
  • If people are not giving me their full attention, it may be them, not me.  (It’s hard for people to stay focused!)
  • Meet in the middle –> healthy boundary meshed with trust and expression of self
  • No questioning the teaching/the teacher — What??
  • Intuitive Report connection is making sense — Seeing more and more the need to be correct and the need for affirmation outside of self
  • Sooo many dreams, so little interpretation –> start a personal dream glossary!
  • Visualization is coming? Yay!

And in closing, the light-sharing hug at the end of Metaphysics class was fabulous!

May you discover your true selves and be filled with love and light. 🙂

Why Does It Have to Be So Hard?

Why do I feel so much more open when I have been drinking?  It’s not fair.  Eckhart Tolle told me that I’m not to use alcohol to rid myself — or to escape from – my relentless ego.  But this is the easiest way!  Which is worse?  To continually fight against one’s ego without success?  Or to take the easy route and escape the ego superficially –  if only for an hour or so?  For my part, I’m sometimes inclined to believe in the 2nd way. . .

Tag Cloud

%d bloggers like this: