Posts tagged ‘rejection’

Think About It Thursday: The “No” Jar

The topic  of this week seems to be fear. Great leaders face fear and do it anyway. One of the greatest fears  in the entrepreneurial realm is the fear of hearing “No.” This had been a particularly challenging area for me up until now, as I’ve also struggled with saying “No.”

The truth is that everyone has a perfect right to say “No,” and it’s natural. But worse than receiving the “No” is to not share or ask the question out of fear. I’ve actually been on the other side as well, interested in a product or service and frustrated when the seller wasn’t responsive to me.

There are people wanting to give that “Yes”. We just may have to wade through a few “No”s to get to them.

I just heard a genius idea last night: the “No Jar.”  Every time you receive a “No”, you put it on a slip of paper in the “No jar.” Once it’s full, you celebrate by going out to eat or some other similar award. (Of course, you’ll want to reward the “Yes”s, too!)

What if we could make “rejection” fun? How about making everything fun!

Much love, many blessings. 💖

 

 

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I Second That Emotion: Fear (of Rejection)

Image courtesy of Andy Newson / FreeDigitalPhotos.net".

Image courtesy of Andy Newson / FreeDigitalPhotos.net”.

Emotions are the gateway to our subconscious.  (So, don’t ignore them!)

This past week I had an extreme emotional reaction at work.  I’m not quite clear on what the catalyst was, but it had something to do with me worrying I had come across as goofy and that people were talking about me.  My perspective restricted and I was frozen in fear: “OH MY GOD” I thought, “What if NO ONE likes me??

Suddenly, I was back in high school, reliving some adolescent fear.  And then I stopped for a minute and thought, “Well, this is probably extreme.  I’m sure they’re not even talking about me.”  And then, “Well, what IF no one liked me . . .  what then?”  I recognized that this reaction tied right into my intuitive health analysis.  I mean, there it was, staring my right in my face — dependency on acceptance and a fear of rejection.   I still need to learn self-acceptance and self-empowerment.

I thought about this a bit.  Mostly because I had other related thoughts pop into my head last week.  Memories of rejection surfaced from my elementary school age.  One was of a neighbor friend I used to play with, who joined the popular crowd one day. After one day at the playground, I quickly got the vibe that I was an unwanted tag-a-long.  That day I took away that I wasn’t popular.   And then there is another friend, family, who I’ve loved very, very much.  As girls,  we were inseparable when we were together.  But when apart, she couldn’t be found.  Letters drifted off.  E-mails didn’t get responses. And I didn’t understand why.  From that experience I took away that I was not worthy of someone’s time.

And now?  What can I learn from these?  Though these events are long past, the opportunity for learning is never lost, as long as our memory still serves.  So, first of all, I can remember and recognize my feelings.  I can recognize my fear of rejection, bring up those experiences and sit with them for a while, not suppressing those emotions (also without lingering in them).

And then:  What is my new learning?  As an adult, I can address the people I love and try to heal the breach.  I can express my emotion, rather than burying it in resentment (to be experienced again later, anyway).   Also, I can learn that my well-being doesn’t depend on the real or imagined acceptance or rejection of others.   I can center myself, allowing illumination and experiencing the love of I AM. I need to love and accept myself.  Loving myself is critical to my well-being.  I desire to feel compassion and love for myself in all things, recognizing that I am spirit who is living, learning (sometimes struggling!), and evolving in the physical.  And I desire to be compassionate and loving to the rest of creation.

Are We Uncomfortable Yet?

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles / FreeDigitalPhotos.net".

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles / FreeDigitalPhotos.net”.

I grew up avoiding anything uncomfortable. As a sensitive person, I shied from conflict, from activities that seemed way too difficult. They were scary! When I became an adult, I learned that being uncomfortable was sometimes unavoidable, and when I became a student of Metaphysics, I learned that being uncomfortable meant a learning opportunity.

So now, instead of embracing my old fall-back, the good ol’  “flight” response, I’m reluctantly turning back and opening myself up to whatever the universe has rustled up for my learning pleasure.  Change means growth, insight, enlightenment!  Fear means stagnation.

This week I have been facing one of my most uncomfortable subjects: asking for money.  I’m having a Night of Dreaming fundraiser event for the School of Metaphysics (Dream Bingo, dream interpretation, general good times), and I volunteered to come along when asking for food donations.  This — to my horror — turned into me doing it all on my own the first few times.   And I’ve survived and also realized 3 important things:

#1 Telling me “What’s the worst that could happen?” is absolutely NOT helpful to me because my mind it pretty good at coming up with every single conceivable scenario to answer that question.  (I could write an encyclopedia filled with loads of worst possible scenarios with glossy graphic photos, to boot.)  So, actually, what I really need is the prompt: “What’s the best thing that could happen?”, going along with my 10 Most Wanted List goal of changing my negative thoughts to positive ones.

#2 Actually, this has been a great win-win learning experience for me.  Obvious win: they say “Yes!” and we have food for our event — Yay! Subtle win: they say “No,” and I can take pride in having the guts to actually ask, while recognizing that the world hasn’t actually collapsed upon me through this rejection.

#3 Asking for a food donation the week before the event is not the best way to go, as many places now want 30-days notice of a fundraising event, so that they can figure out if you’re actually legit and also place you in the pecking order among all the other needy food donation candidates. (Now I know!)

So, am I uncomfortable?  Yes!  Still!  But each time has gotten a little easier.  I’m gritting my teeth, but I’m loving the growth.

Next uncomfortable topi, coming soon: asking for attendance.

What Doesn’t Kill You. . .

Today I’m grateful for what makes you stronger.  I read a great quote today posted on Facebook:

“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet.  Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.” — Helen Keller

I’ve had an interesting internal reaction to some of the challenges/frustrations I’ve had lately. . .  feelings of increased enthusiasm and determination!

First Instance

For example, I followed the suggestion of one of my career counselors and “popped by” the office of one of the places I had applied to for work. (Seeker beware: This works in some places, but not others, so be careful!)  I was afraid it wasn’t going to go well, and it didn’t.  I was told that people cannot just pop by and was given a list of steps to follow.

Now, I understand this policy.  There is a safety concern, and people are very busy.  But you can imagine the intense feeling of rejection I felt, dismissed after I had finally mustered up the courage to walk in this place!  Yet. . .  besides the initial shock, I felt a surge of a very different feeling:  energy.  Power.  A “let’s continue” type of attitude.  I had feared the worst, and I had fared the worst, but it really wasn’t so bad.  In fact, it made me want to go visit another place, and to continue on my path.  And I did continue on that path.  Yaking a slightly different approach, I ended up having a wonderful conversation with some very awesome people.

Second Example

Then, today I had an exciting introductory appointment that I had spent hours planning for.  Early this morning I got the call that it was cancelled.  Again. . .  shock.  Also, some frustration and feelings of rejection.  But again, from somewhere within the pit of my stomach, there emerged that  “Well, time to move on”-type feeling.  I picked myself up, remembered something else that I’d almost missed for this appointment, threw myself together, and scooted myself out the door.  “I guess it just wasn’t meant to be!”

What freeing, powerful feelings!  Life is a challenge!  In an easy life, we are protected, but weak.  Hardship makes us vulnerable, but strong!

Image: FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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