Posts tagged ‘lost’

Thankful Thursday: Found!, Sunny Coworker, Emotional Challenges, and Art

Found!

I am organized but not perfectly neat.  I like to say: “Ask me for something, and I can find it for you — but give me 5 minutes.”  The car, the kitchen table, and the office are areas that tend to build up a bit until I freak out and go on a cleaning rampage, and losing something can speed up that process.  Unfortunately, I may also lose my mind; it’s like I have a fragile but functional Jenga organizational system, and if you pull a block out, my sense of sanity comes crashing down.  I was missing 4 items, and suddenly I needed them.  They were my Dreamer’s Dictionary, and my 3 CDs of intuitive reports – Past Life, Health Analysis, and Past Life Crossing.  I needed the dictionary for a creative art project I was to complete tonight at the school.  I needed the Past Life Crossing CD to lend to a classmate for her creative project.  I found the book in my office, and the 3 CDs were actually in the car, stuck between the seats.  Order is restored.  The world is right again.

Sunny Coworker

My coworkers are awesome.  It is truly the best, best part of my job.  And I am so grateful to the School of Metaphysics for reaching me to find friends everywhere because now I am privileged to know some beautiful people.  Today I highlight a coworker who calls himself a pessimist and cynical — and maybe he is — but who somehow always brightens my day.  Today I was struggling through another bout of emotional turmoil, and he picked up on it immediately and commented on it, saying I was either sad or angry, based on the reddish hue of my face. (I insisted it could have been sunburn but was impressed nonetheless.) I confided I was working through some things, and he offered sympathy.  And that made all the difference in the world: my light venting and his matching empathy.  So often I’m amazed how simple interactions with others can flipflop my mood from depression to joy in a matter of seconds.

Emotional Challenges

I still feel like the world is ending when I go though my emotional roller coasters.   In the past I would want to have some wine.  I would want to have a candy bar.  I would want someone to comfort me and take care of me.  Since I have given up alcohol and am trying to cut back on the vending machine — and the machine wouldn’t accept my taped dollar anyway — and I’m trying to be more self-sufficient — I’ve felt my emotions more keenly and haven’t known what to do with them.  Sometimes I just want them to go away!  But beneath all the turmoil today I recognized a sense of gratitude.  Because of my studies, I now know that strong emotions are signals of potential lessons.  The pangs are growing pangs, and I do want to grow and learn.  Today I recognized that my emotional reaction toward another was actually frustration with myself, which I worked on rectifying.  And in the second case, I needed to express myself and make sure I didn’t “give” with resentment, and I was successful in expressing myself to a receptive classmate. (Yay for metaphysical peeps!)

Art

I’ve been wanting, wanting, wanting to create something artistic, to draw something.  But I could not get myself to do it.  When my teacher told us to create with a group, I saw my chance to play.  One of my classmates had the idea of making an illustrated dream dictionary, and I put it into action.  4 of us students picked symbols we’d been seeing in our dreams recently, wrote down the symbolism, and created a picture to go with it.  It felt amazing to finally create images with colors, and I was just as amazed at the wealth of knowledge of the students with me.  I find it kind of amusing — and very humbling — how much I learn from the students who are in earlier lessons than I am.  I guess it goes to show how unique we are as individuals.  Things that I’m struggling with as an individual may already be strengths in another.  We all have our talents, and we are all moving on our own paths at different rates.

Dream Parker

 "Empty Parking Spaces" courtesy of scottchan / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

“Empty Parking Spaces” courtesy of scottchan / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Ok, so I’m having a lot of parking lot dreams. (This is an improvement from my losing-control-of-the-vehicle dreams, let me tell you . . .)  These have gotten my attention because I don’t remember ever dreaming about it before.

I had three in the span of one week.  Unfortunately, I didn’t write them down, so I only remember the first and last.

In the first, I was dropping off something to my sister at school – which was her place of work, except it wasn’t really where she works because it was my old elementary school. I wanted to pull into the front driveway loop to quickly stop in, but the traffic directors were waving me on to the parking garage.  (There is no parking garage for that school in real life.)  I was frustrated, but I didn’t see what else to do, so I drove in and parked.  Someone gave me a bit of a tour of the garage.  It was cozy with a loft above that had some couches.  And I think there may have been a bookcase.  I think I remember being glad to have been able to be in there and to have seen it.

In the last dream I was going to a family reunion — some sort of outdoor gathering — and I’m pretty sure I was running late.  My mom happened to be pulling in just ahead of me, and so I followed her.  There was a side lot that was gated with metal fencing, and she pulled in there, so I parked in there, too.  Later it was time to leave, and my dad said: “You didn’t park in the side lot, did you?” to my mom.  We went to the lot and the gate was closed.  We couldn’t see our cars, and there were men working in there, perhaps doing construction work and also transporting.  We kept looking and trying to figure out what to do.

"Empty Parking" courtesy of anankkml/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

“Empty Parking” courtesy of anankkml/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

This is what I got from dreammoods.com:

“To dream that you are parking your car represents your desire to settle down. Alternatively, it means that you feel accomplished in your goals and satisfied with your life. If you have difficulty parking the car, then it means that you are in some sort of a rut. You are feeling restless. Perhaps you wished you had taken a different path in your life.

To dream that you parked your car in a non-parking zone suggests that you are poking your head in places where you do not belong. If you forgot where you parked, then it indicates that you have lost your direction in life. You are going off track.”

And/or:

“To dream that you are in parking lot suggests that you need to slow down and take time from your daily activities.”

And/or:

“To see or dream that you are in a parking structure suggests that you are going around in circles in some area of your life. You are feeling lost in what you want to do. If you cannot find your car, then it means that you have lost a little bit of yourself along the way toward your goals. You are turning into someone you dread or someone you don’t know anymore.”

My analysis:

Rut?  Check.  Restless?  Check.  Wishing for a different life path?  Check. Lost my direction and off-track?  Quite possibly.  I hope I’m not sticking my head in the wrong places . . .  (I don’t think so, though).  A need to slow down is possible.  Going around in circles and being lost about what I want to do also makes sense.  Losing part of myself and not being sure of myself and what I’m doing and who I am also make sense.

No parking lot dreams last night.  Alright, subconscious and spiritual guides, now please direct me on how to fix my problems!

 

GPS & Life Coaching

Have you ever played Apples to Apples and dealt with those annoying double-subject cards: “death & taxes”, “salt& pepper”, “apples & oranges”. . .  etc?   I think I dumped most of those cards.  So, then “GPS & Life Coaching”?. . .  Yes, I’m really grateful for this particular double- subject.  It has given my life direction — map direction & life direction.

My GPS was one of the best purchases I have ever made.  Do you know how sometimes you don’t take action in your life until something — or you —  begins to fall apart?  Well, this was happening to me when trying to get somewhere for the first time.  I had a couple of incidences in a row where I was driving somewhere new and got completely lost.  When I became increasingly more frequently on the verge of nervous breakdowns, I knew something had to be done.  So, I got my GPS, and I’ve driven happily ever after, ever since.  Now, I do sometimes still get lost or lose direction, but. . .  then my wonderful, flexible GPS lady readjusts and gets me right back on track.

Cindy from “Purposed Lives”  has also gotten me on track.  She’s helped me begin to explore  myself , so I can find who I really am, what I want to do, and how to reopen that creative part of myself.  Do you ever get cranky and agitated when you haven’t eaten for a while?  Your body is telling you that you’re not getting what you need, right?  I’ve begun to realize that I’ve done the same with my creative side, and maybe even with my life purpose.  I’ve starved myself of the things I want to do and am meant to do, and thus, I’ve become a cranky, irritable person who feels empty and envies the happiness of others.  Working with Cindy has not only opened me up to ideas I’d never considered before, but our weekly check-ins have given me an accountability that helps me place importance on the things I didn’t really appreciate before.

After spending a lifetime being lost, it feels great to know where I’m going!

Image: FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Lost


I feel very lost.  Like this is the time to break free and do my thing, but I don’t know what that thing is.  I know I want to write.  I love it.  I can lose myself in it.  But I have no idea what to do with that.  I have some backup plans. . .  I’ve begun looking at options. But my heart is not in it.

And now I can see myself better.  No, not all of myself.  But I see my fear and lack of confidence, and it drives me crazy with frustration.  Isn’t there a way to just wash that all away?

I remember years back when I was meeting with Ron, my psychologist, and he told me that I tend to imagine the worst will happen.  He’s right!

Do you know how you’re supposed to visualize what will happen so that you can make it happen?  I keep visualizing the worst case scenario!! Look what I’m creating for myself!  I need to just flip that around.  I need to turn the universe in my favor.

A friend told me that wishful thinking in itself won’t get you anywhere.  I get what he’s saying, but I think pessimistic “realism” is fatal.  Last week I lost my hope and confidence, and my world caved in on me.

I will stay positive.  I will imagine the best.  I will find my new life.

The birds continue to visit me.  One flew right over the front of my car.  And over the weekend, another blue heron flew over me as I was walking the path with Brian.

Something is coming.

Image(s): FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Early Mid-Life Crisis?

Yes, I feel like I’m going through an early mid-life crisis, and the worry tears me apart sometimes. I’m not supposed to have one of these until I’m 40, right? But, no, here I am at the young age of 30 trying to figure out what the heck I’m supposed to be doing with my life. And what makes it worse is that I’m an indecisive young woman who wants both chocolate AND vanilla, who hates closing doors behind her, and who would rather dip her toe in at every point in the river, rather than pick a location and wade directly across.

How did I get here? My good friend tells me that this is a normal part of the human process. It’s normal to change situations in life because we are changing beings. If you are a different person than you were 10 years ago, you may not fit in your job anymore. That’s a little more comforting than my explanation: I’ve been wishy-washy all through my life, falling into a major so that I could give myself some sort of identification and falling into a job because otherwise my parents might boot me out of the house. So, as you can see, her explanation is much more pleasant.

So, now what? Afraid to make a bad decision, and comfortable with the familiar (but also bored and frustrated with it), I can’t find a single job that truly interests me. And at this point, I’m not sure if I should be looking for the perfect job or looking for my “rebound” job that will get me from point A to point C. Anything that seems like it could be interesting also seems to have qualifications that I do not have, i.e. experience in that field. Where is the “looking for ex-teacher who wants to try something new, possibly involving writing or editing or something else creative and also leaves the world a better place?” job? (And I’ve actually tried to google something pretty close to that. . .)

A part of me wants a brainless job. And by brainless, I don’t mean a stupid job. I mean, I can go in, do my job without too much stress, and check out and leave it behind. I would like to have a job that isn’t 75% of my life. I remember some years ago I was reading a book with creative job options, and one that sounded particularly appealing was traveling around Europe picking fruit. Permanent career option? Hardly. Not even a full-time option, as it would be seasonal, but how completely lovely. Just me, the trees, and the European landscape. (audible sigh) The simple life. But then, I was the one in my foreign exchange college experience who imagined staying behind in the little Mexican village, instead of returning to the university and the states. I never pursued anything like either of those ideas, and now I’ve truly tied myself down with a mortgage, a boyfriend, and 3 kids( two cats, and a dog, which, let’s face it, are a lot less mobile than 3 human kids).

That means that for now I am a spectator on a stomach-wrenching stage as my pessimist :“You will never find an interesting job that you are qualified for AND doesn’t require you to move/leave your boyfriend and animals/sell your soul, etc” wages vicious battle against my optimist: “Your perfect job is just around the corner. Everything in your life has led up to this point, and you are exactly where you need to be. Just keep visualizing, believe, and go get it!”  And I really hope that the optimist is right!
Image: David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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