Posts tagged ‘lessons’

Letter to Ego

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles /

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles /

Dear Ego,

I know you are a part of me, and you look out for me.  And I appreciate that.  Thank you for getting me to this point in my life.  Now I’m ready to do some serious growing and evolving; I’m ready to break out of my shell a bit, feel the awkwardness, and move through it.

Today I realized that my involvement with you is a bit dysfunctional on two levels.  First, when I am criticized by another —  or anticipate criticism by another — the first thing you do for me is put up a defensive wall.  You do not want me to be harmed, so you make sure nothing can get in.  Then, you rally all the troops and go on the attack.  You carefully plan how to paint me in my best light, while drawing up all the possible smut you can think of for the other person.  You draw from all of your resources, replaying events from as far back as you’ve known the other and take particular pains with memories that may make the other appear the hypocrite.  You make it all about them .  There is that.  On the other side of things, Ego, you take note of my self-criticism and exact punishment, chastising me so that I may experience the proper amount of guilt.  You whip me repeatedly with your harsh word,s until I curl into a ball and cower in shame.  Truly, you must see how that one is unhealthy, Ego.

Let’s take an honest look at things, Ego.  There is actually no hostile take over happening..  Neither is there a need for punishment.  There’s no good or bad; everything is a part of learning.  If we build walls, nothing can get in, and attacks diminish my self empowerment.

I do value your feedback, Ego, and I value your desire to help me.  However, I wish to take a positive approach.  So, I have a proposal.   When I am faced with outside or inside criticism, we’ll treat it as a gift.  When I receive criticsim, we’ll stop for a minute and take a step back to get an objective perspective.  Let’s examine the thought carefully and see how it sits with us.  If it is true, we can take it in and work with it.  If it isn’t, we can let it pass on its merry way.  Let’s embrace.  Let’s love.  Let’s learn!

Thank you for your attention.  Here’s to our new life!


The Beginning

Image courtesy of manostphoto/".

Image courtesy of manostphoto/”.

I intend, intend, intend to post on here every day . . .  I do!  This post is to make me accountable.  And get me back in the swing of things.  In the metaphysics classes I’m taking, we’re focusing on how there is no “good” or “bad” in life.  There are only situations that life brings us,  colored only by our own perceptions.  Emotions are connected to desires from our soul; they may indicate unresolved experiences from our past, lessons that we have yet to learn.

I feel like I’m being hit over the head with some lessons, and I also that I’m stuck, stuck, stuck in them, not moving forward in my growth.  The first step is awareness, so I’m thankful that I have at least gotten that far.  In my dreams this morning, my subconscious reminded me that I have some work to do:

It was the apocalypse, and the world was being consumed by fire (perhaps from a burning meteorite?).  The weird part was that it was a Groundhog Day version of the apocalypse.  Each time we started over on that same doomsday day, and I knew the world was going to end in flames.  I vaguely remembered hearing a message from some man — a subconscious or superconscious aspect of myself, depending on who the male was — who was telling me something about how to prevent the event or maybe how to protect myself from it.  All I could remember was the word “flame retardant.”  (Cloth?)  Each time I started over, I tried to figure out how to prevent impending doom.  Each time  I could see or sense the flames closing in.  On one day I remember a female (conscious aspect of self) and me preparing for the end together.  I believe we prayed or said/sang some of the songs from the Cantata together.  We were indoors in a living-room-type area with large windows on either side.  So, we saw the flames coming, and I was trying to comfort her.  One one of the days I remember actually being consumed by the flames.  (It was not as painful as I had imagined it would be.)  And finally, in one of the last repetitions, some people were sending some people up in a rocket (probably to save them from the apocalypse).  They were strapped in the rocket.  I wanted to know why I wasn’t strapped in.  They told me that I could just hang onto the rocket.  This seemed ridiculous to me, and was NOT having that.  (I’d take the apocalypse, thank you very much!)

I shared this dream with one of my classmates after our health class tonight, and we reached a similar conclusion: I am being faced with the opportunity for change (the fire), but I am not accepting the learning and embracing the change, the event is happening again and again because the universe is repeatedly sending me chances to learn, and I am repeatedly not learning!

So, yes, I have some lessons that fit right into that dream. (I know that I’m aware of the impending change — I could see it through those large living room windows!)  So, more on that tomorrow.  (Yes — I AM writing tomorrow!) 🙂

God bless.  Be well.

Shout Out: Kudos to Some Great Parents from Tutoring

 "Golden Star Award" courtesy of pixtawan /

“Golden Star Award” courtesy of pixtawan /

This is a shoutout to one particular set of my tutoring parents who are super, super awesome.  I’d like to start by saying that many parents have been awesome , supportive, and thankful for my services this year, but I am amazed by this particular pair.  (I will not name names — I will call them “Dad” and “Mom”–, but that won’t stop me from lauding their coolness!)

Why they are so awesome:

  • They didn’t interview me in person; I came in and started right to work! (Very trusting!)
  • They wanted me to tutor writing and clarinet – two of my favorite things!
  • The lessons are for enrichment, so I have a bit of freedom in my planning.
  • They offered me water during my first lesson. (After that I started bringing water bottles, so they didn’t need to give me anything.)
  • They told me they were concerned that I wasn’t getting paid enough through the tutoring company.
  • They invited me to stay for lunch one time when they had an exchange student staying.
  • They ask me “if it’s ok” when they are cancelling a lesson ahead of time.
  • They have no problem with me needing to cancel ahead of time.
  • They told me not to come if it’s snowing.
  • Chocolate for Christmas!
  • This last lesson when I asked to take off my shoes because they had snow on them, Dad brought me slippers to use, since I was in socks! At the end of the lesson Mom carried my shoes across the floor for me so that I could walk through the garage on my way out and avoid the snow.
  • We’ve had lesson for over half a year together, and we’re still going strong!

And generally, these parents are the sweetest, most polite and friendly people I have ever worked with.  It is a pleasure to enter their home.  They lift me up and inspire me to try to be just as caring.

Kudos, Mom and Dad!

Starting Over

I forgot

how hard it is

to start again.


To be new



out of control.


I’m not perfect

and I won’t be.

Oh yeah . . .

that’s ok.


I hope

I can learn

to relax


open myself up

to mistakes,

to criticism,

to new life lessons.


Take it and roll with it.


If I can do that

this experience

will be worth

all the







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