Posts tagged ‘karaoke’

Day 4 on the Road to Happiness (belated)

"Lady Doing Yoga In Park" courtesy of adamr/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

“Lady Doing Yoga In Park” courtesy of adamr/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

1. Health — Slept in an extra 2 hours and had lots of crazy dreams that I unfortunately can’t remember.  Good breakfast (added spinach to my smoothie again today!); so-so lunch (mostly kidney beans) . . . and also the rest of the chocolate bunny from my grandma; I couldn’t resist it — it was just sitting there!  Ingredients in said bunny: sugar, partially hydrogenated vegetable oil, whey, cocoa, lactose, skim milk, soy lecithin, vanillin (artificial flavor), FD&C Blue #1, Blue #2, Red #40, Yellow #5, Yellow #6 Lakes; and Red #3 — I shudder at all the colors. . . And that’s what my health was until last night — when Brian and I took advantage of the $5 bucket specials.  Wasn’t feeling so great after that. . .  (rehyrating as we speak)

2. Creative Time/ Me Time — Karaoke was great last night.  I got some compliments about my singing, and I realized I’m still really resistant to praise.  I embrace it now.  I am awesome. 🙂 (Not better than anyone else!  And awesome!) I also stumbled upon this site, and I think it’s genius: hitRECord.org  I hope it does really well.  Here is a link to my first contribution: She is a Princess.  Anyone can join! Felt inspired to try composing a bit, too, but just did a small string.  Not sure whether I’m going to post it or not.

3. People — I’m realizing more and more that I need to be around people.  I just do.  Sometimes people wear me out, but I think it’s because I don’t feel natural around them.  I’m working to be who I think they want me to be, and that’s exhausting. If I can really be myself, I think I would enjoy gatherings much more and be less anxious about them.  Also, this house is a tomb.  I need me some Feng Shui.

Funny random side note (animals are like people, right?): today I had my first intuitive reading — more on that probably to follow in my next day’s report —  and my cats were fighting like cats and . . . cats (very viciously)  outside my office door, as I was participating in my phone call.  I just realized for all that I complain about Bowser being needy for attention, my cats are just as bad.  Maybe worse.

4. Being in the Moment — This is going better.  I have moments of clarity sometimes during the day.  Have any of you tried to be in the moment and suddenly you’ve felt a shift in perspective?  In focus?  In energy?  Like you notice your hands for the first time, and maybe there’s even a slight tingling.  And your world — which seemed so narrow when you were trapped in your head — now has expanded all around you? Like you’ve been pulled back and out, and there are no longer any walls?   It’s like that.  I want more of that.

5. Life Purpose — I think I will post more about this tonight after my phonecall, but I did want to mention how thrilled I got when I discovered hitRecord.org.  I had been thinking I wanted to find an outlet for my creativity, and I wanted to be able to share it with the public, with a community, and there it is.  It’s so artsy and vibrant, and I got more excited about the possibilities than I’ve felt about anything in a long time.  Maybe I have it all wrong.  Maybe I’m not supposed to be forcing myself down in a chair with a notebook to just write and write and write about whatever.  Maybe I’m meant to find other creative opportunities.

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So Worth It

"Microphone" courtesy of Idea go/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

“Microphone” courtesy of Idea go/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I’m so exhausted right now that I barely got this post in. It’s been a while since I’ve chosen to stay up super late, and it didn’t have anything to do with doing “homework” (or staying up to avoid homework). It was karaoke. New venue. New night. I’ve been on quite the emotional roller coaster lately, and I’m getting tired of the low points. The experience last night gave me a high that could carry me through at least the next three days.

Sometimes it’s worth it to lose the sleep.  It’s worth the agonizing realization in the morning that the annoying alarm in my ear is unfortunately mine and not my partner’s.  It’s worth wandering back and forth between the kitchen and the living room because I forget my purpose and destination every time I leave the room.   It’s worth the clumsy knocking into desks and students, and it’s worth the internal fight to not succumb — sitting down at my neglected teacher’s desk, throwing my head on my arms, and taking a snooze in the middle of the day.

It’s worth it because last night Teri got her groove back.  She eased in with the duet “Picture”, warmed up with “How Do I Live”, and carried it home with “Man, I Feel Like a Woman.”  There’s nothing like the rowdy support of a sweet, warm, and tipsy neighborhood-pub-crowd to put one back on top and make this lost tutor/teacher/writer feel like a pop star.  Thank you, World, for reminding me of my passion and for giving me something to lose sleep about.

And now, go away, everybody.  It’s time for bed. 🙂

I Just Wanna Feel Bad For A While

I"Black Hole" courtesy of chrisroll / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I”Black Hole” courtesy of chrisroll / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Felt absolutely awful today.  Emotionally.  I got wrapped up in where I am right now and afraid that I would never have the strength to take a risk and make a change in where I’m headed.  I think I also was suffering from not nurturing my creativity enough in the last few weeks.  I’ve missed karaoke two weeks in a row.

Do you ever get depressed and down in the dumps and not want to get out?  Just want to feel crappy?  I mean, not REALLY want to feel that way, but you  actually kinda do?  Sometimes I just want to be miserable and stay miserable for a while.  I don’t feel like waving some magic wand and making everything perfectly fine again — or at least pretending like everything’s fine again, when I know it’s just a cover up for the hollowness inside.

But I was pretty miserable, and I couldn’t take it.  So, I figured I go with my fallback plan #1: nap.  As I laid in my bed, I did feel my head clear and my body relax, but when I woke, I still felt the remnants of the nastiness from before.  It hadn’t left me.

I had a party tonight that I had promised to go to long, long ago.  So, I prepared my happy face (basically my “everything’s fine” face), and Brian and I headed out — Brian a bit wary, and me trying not to betray my true feelings.  Thankfully, my act didn’t need to last long; I had a really good time.  I hung out with some really cool people and got to do one of my most favorite things in the world: play games.  I played “Cards Against Humanity” for the first time and actually really enjoyed it. (I wasn’t sure I would because it’s not the sort of humor that I normally jive with.)  At one point I was even doing the laughing-so-hard-I’m-crying, thing.

So, thankfully, plan #2 – Distraction – came through for me today.  But that doesn’t mean this is over.  I need to keep tabs on what’s going on inside and make sure I’m taking care of myself and taking the right path.  There’s a long journey ahead, and it’s time to get a head start.

Self-Sabotage?

Bah.  I was so excited today because I had some extra time — and I never have extra time on Tuesdays — and then I was lost as to what to do with it.  And so I squandered it.

I didn’t get my snow day today, but I did get a snow afternoon.  Usually I have 3 tutoring students in the afternoon after my day of teaching Spanish.  But I canceled one and was able to keep and push  forward the other session, since I was now home early, and the student meets near my house.

But I couldn’t figure out what to do with myself when I got home.  Normally I come home and immediately tear off my work clothes and throw on some jammies, but I couldn’t do that, since I still had a lesson in an hour.  I felt helpless.  Do I snack?  (Yes.)  Do I write?  (No.)  Do I get some work done? (No.)  Do I do various inane things that I will not even remember hours later when I write the post? (Yes.)

And what also stunk is that I missed karaoke tonight because of the snow.  I LOVE karaoke, but it seemed ridiculous to cancel a tutoring session, only to go trouncing out in the snow later the same evening, throwing caution to the wind.  So, what did I do in place of karaoke tonight?  Sadly, I ended up typed up tutoring lesson summaries and responded to a bunch of work e-mail to parents about corrections and final grades for Spanish.

What the heck? Where was my snow day?  Where was my trade-off?  Why am I a masochist sometimes?

On the upside, I am now pretty caught up with parent e-mails, I am still fairly caught up with grading and planning, and I have a light schedule the rest of the week, since it’s the end of the trimester.  I know that this effort that I put in today will help toward making the rest of the week easier and will help me reach my goal of having more relaxing weekends.

Turn Around. . .

"Blue Sky with Clouds and Sun" courtesy of gameanna/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

“Blue Sky with Clouds and Sun” courtesy of gameanna/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I want to blog.  I itch to blog.  But now that I’m sitting down, giving myself time to write but I kinda feel like I’ve forgotten how.  I’d like to write about what I’m grateful for today, since my last post was such a downer. (Not even going to link to it.)  😛

Today I’m grateful for those times when I am without, because it reminds me of how much I appreciate what I have, when I have it.

  • My iPod**

I  thought I’d lost my iPod today, when really it was just another case of the Reverse Mary Poppins Purse.  The past life of my iPod — and the horrific possible future-life of my iPod, if somebody found it and looked/listened through it – flashed before my eyes today.  I was able to reconcile myself to the possibility of having lost it, and then I wisely tore my purse apart (not literally — though I am sometimes tempted).

  • Karaoke.

I’m usually at karaoke right now.  I sacrificed my karaoke night because of a change in tutoring schedule and a need to catch up on planning.   I already miss it. :-/  But it makes me grateful for when I do have it.

  • Water.

I don’t drink as much water as I should, but the moment I know I don’t have access to water, I panic.  Especially if I’m in the car.  For some reason I get mad thirsty when I’m in the car.

  • Food.

Hey, I mean, it follows!  These days I am always hungry, so I am grateful for every morsel that crosses my lips.

  • Exercise.

I’ve recently discovered that daily exercise is a lifesaver for me.  It’s a pick-me-up that can really make or break my day.  Lately it’s been Zumba.  One morning I woke to the Zumba Xbox game music circulating through my brain, and my body started itching to dance!

  • A good romantic movie.

I don’t get too many of those these days.  I don’t watch them because Brian doesn’t like them, and I know that if he felt obligated to sit through one of my romantic movies, then I would be obligated to sit through one of his blow-people-up or zombie/alien/ghoul apocalypse, etc movies. And, no thank you.  But sometimes I can get away with one on Valentine’s.  Or my birthday.  Or I can watch it alone. . . and cuddle with a cat or Bowser.  (Brian, I hope you’re reading this and that you suddenly feel inspired to watch a little something/something. . .)

  • The sun.

Ah, how I miss daylight! I miss my sun! Daylight savings time, when art thou??  It’s been pretty rainy/snowy lately, so I am ecstatic when the sun breaks through the clouds every so often.

  • My other.

Yes, everyone needs their alone time and some peace and quiet – and sometimes I even want to kick Brian out of the house for a while!  But when he’s not around, I miss him.

  • This blog.

I recently stopped my masochistic internal berating rant at myself for not being a “good writer” and writing every day.  So, now that I haven’t been, I miss it.  I don’t honestly even know what I’m supposed to be doing or want to be doing with writing anymore, but I know that I’m unhappy when I don’t do it for a while.

  • Free time.

I love it, even if it’s borrowed, like right now.  I love, love, love my free time.  The best part of my day today was sitting on the library bench, doing nothing, just waiting a few minutes before seeing my next tutoring student.  Sometimes you just gotta slow down for a while.

 

**(And I just looked up the spelling of “i” –type Apple products today with one of my tutoring students because he was using it for his paper that compared an iPhone and Galaxy XS – or something like that — phone.  I was going to check the spelling on my iPod.  And that’s when I realized I couldn’t find it.  And that’s all I could think about for the next 5 minutes – in the middle of a tutoring session.  So, while trying to work with a student, all I could think about what wanting to turn my jacket and purse inside out and then transporting magically to the school I just came from so I could turn the whole fricken’ building inside out.  And this is the longest parenthesis ever.  That’s why I starred it.  And then put it at the end of this blog.)

Karaoke Queen II — A Poem

Last night I sang my heart out.

The last karaoke crooning of 2012.

And I realized I needed it,

As much as I needed to breathe.

 

Because when I’m there

Singing on stage

Or listening/singing along with my crew,

Nothing matters.

 

I’m not a teacher,

Not a tutor,

Not a writer,

Not a workshop leader.

 

I’m not a disciplinarian,

Not a help-you-catch-up-and-hope-you’re-having-an-“on-day”- and– that-I’M having an “on-day” – ian,

Not a struggling artist,

Not a pulling-myself-out-of-the-house-because-I-need-the-money-and-this-is-my-way-of-life-ian.

 

I . . .  just. . . am.

 

And I’m happy.

And at times like these, I know if I were taken from this world,

Right in this moment,

I would be ok. . .

Because my life is complete.

Karaoke Queen

"Microphone" by Master isolated images / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

“Microphone” by Master isolated images / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

There are few times in my life when I am totally, completely, blissfully happy. Last night was one of them.  I was supposed to come home by 10:30 last night.  I got home by midnight.  I’ll bet my students would be shocked to know I actually have a nightlife – and on school nights, at that!

I love to sing.  I love to sing many types of songs, from country to musicals, rock to pop, R & B, etc.  I love being with other people who love to sing, too – they’re my theater peeps from the summer musical I was just in – and we’ve even begun singing duets together.  This week Dan and I swapped songs so that we could sing each other’s duets: he learned “Come What May” from Moulin Rouge for me, and I learned “Suddenly Seymour” from Little Shop of Horrors for him.  We totally rocked them both.

I love coming out to Coop’s Den.  After about 5 more times in a row, I think I’ll officially be a “regular.”  I like the atmosphere — it’s fairly quiet; we’re really the only crowd, and we have the karaoke mostly to ourselves.  Also, the place is cozy, with pleasant staff and casual appearance.  An added plus is that it’s not a sports bar, so I don’t have to wait around an extra hour or two because the football game just went into overtime.   Plus.  . . the DJ is awesome, and we have a nice fat book of songs to choose from (although the most recent options are probably 5 or so years old).

I sang my heart out last night.  Tried some new songs: “I Might Hate Myself in the Morning” by Lee Ann Womack “Memory”  from Cats, “Goodnight My Someone” from Music Man, “Unbreak My Heart” by Toni Braxton, and my two duets that I mentioned earlier.  And I closed with one of my best: “Love Is A Battlefield” by Pat Benatar.  Last night we had some new ladies in the crowd who claimed to have never done karaoke before and boogied like crazy to all of the fast songs.  The crowd really seemed to enjoy my closer, but by that time we’d all had some drinks and were feelings pretty good.

I love the feeling of being up there singing, then trying to learn a new song, and later seat-singing and swaying to the classics that my fellow warblers warble.  And everyone in our group is a good singer, so there’s no need to cover up.  It’s hard to leave when you’re having such a good time, and there’s that one more song you want to try.  Yesterday I decided to just start at the beginning of the book, looking for songs I thought I could handle, and ending up somewhere in the “C”s or “D”s. I’m not sure.  And people say that I’m good.  Maybe I’m starved for compliments or attention or appreciation, or who knows what, but I tell you, there is nothing like the genuine feeling that your work/your art is appreciated.

So, am I tired now?  Yes.  Wednesdays are awfully, awfully, long and somewhat painful days — I just now finished off most of my last pint of frozen custard — and losing sleep does not really help the situation.  But was it worth it?  I sure thought so last night!  My late night serenading is something I’ve come to look forward to all week long, and I think I’ve finally found an addiction that could actually improve my life.

And driving home, I was already thinking about what I was going to sing next week. . . .

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