Posts tagged ‘judgement’

44 Days ’til el Camino: Diet

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A domino effect? Sometimes when one thing changes. . .  it all changes.  Changing my exercise is affecting my diet!

I’ve been bothered by my diet for quite some time.  Though I probably eat healthier food that in the typical U.S. diet,  my eating times were erratic, and often I would not eat enough. Sometimes a lack of food sooner would lead to unhealthy binges later.

I’m finally starting to implement a plan.  Breakfast is eggs and potatoes.  Morning snack is a Shaklee shake.  Lunch is either a large salad or hummus and cheese sandwich (with spinach and using gluten-free bread).  Snack is nuts/peanut butter/cheese — not sure what else yet.  Dinner is either bean tacos, chicken (on wing night), spaghetti, or a dinner mixing some of these ingredients: cous cous, rice, beans, and lentils. That’s the plan to start.

My most recent intuitive health analysis said the following about my physical health and food:

“We see optimal health within the physical body. We see there is an understanding that this one has in regards to how to feed the body and what to feed the body.  This one is balanced in this regard, and we do not see much change needed there.”

It went on to suggest just more iron and iodine. So, I have since been more consistently taking my supplements and looking for ways to add more iron to a mostly vegetarian diet.

Yesterday I noticed a few other things related to diet.  I had been marveling that I hadn’t had any stomach cramping/gas for some time, and then . . . soon after I did!  I reflected back on what I’d eaten differently and concluded it must have been some chocolate I’d eaten.  I’d had similar stomach rumblings in response to chocolate in the past.  Bummer!  Less or no chocolate, then.  Then, my bank was having an anniversary celebration, and I had one mini cupcake and an Oreo cookie.  20 minutes later I felt an energy drop in my system.  Yikes!  Was it the sugar?  The breading?  Probably both.

Will this mean an end to sweets for me?  Probably not.  But I will be mindful of my choices, aware of the possible consequences of my decisions.  Maybe if I cut back on sugar I will finally embrace and eat the fruits I keep buying and not eating! 

A healthy diet has also been in my vision since last year.  Some things just take more time, I guess!  It gives me hope to keep the faith in my dreams.

Ending thought: While listening back to my last intuitive report, I came across a part that I realize I’ve been neglecting, and I thought it might help you as well.  It matches what’s been on my mind a lot this week, as I continue to reflect on judgement, acceptance, and neutrality. I was given these affirmations, advised to repeat them daily for a period of 3 months:

“Everything that occurs is for my benefit.  Every experience, every person, every interaction is here for my good.   I am fortunate to receive experiences that bring me joy.”

Much love, many blessings. ❤

Your Speck! Your Log!: A Lesson In “You Know It’s About You, Right?”

Image courtesy of Ambro / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Ambro / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I think the words that hurt the most — when they are said with honesty and positive intention — are the ones that help us grow the most.

Years ago I had a friend tell me straight out: “Teri, you’re a bad listener.”  I never forgot it.  And I now check-in during every conversation to see if I’m being a good listener or not.  Was I offended by the comment?  Absolutely!  But, I immediately recognized her words as truth and took them in, painful as they were.

These days I am paying more attention to the words: “You know it’s about you, right?” I was venting to the director from the School of Metaphysics about an unpleasant incident I’d had experienced with a friend.  I was attacking the other person, talking about what she was doing to me.  At some point in the conversation the director said those words: “You know it’s about you, right?” and even though my ego immediately reared its head, my heart also opened up, and my perspective shifted.  It was about me. No one has any control of anyone else.  We are the creators of our own reality.  I realized the person I was really mad at was myself.  I had seen myself as weak — and rather than seeking self-empowerment — I’d blamed the other person for her strength.

I’m trying to take this lesson and apply it to my self-righteous judgment and tendency toward drama.  In the last few days I’ve recognized some important things:

  1. If I’m expecting drama, I will find it.  If I’m not, I usually won’t.
  2. If I’m judging someone else’s judgement, that makes me just as judgmental.
  3. When it comes down to it, we really all want similar things, and we just have different opinions on the best way to get them.  And that’s ok, as long as we can respect each other.  We’re all doing the best we can.
  4. I am still afraid to be myself, but I’m getting a little closer every day.

So, every time I notice a judgement slip through my mind, about myself or others, I’m taking a closer look.  What’s really hidden behind the judgement? (What are my thoughts really telling me?)  Where do I have more room for growth?

“Withering Away”: A Lesson In Being Comfortable with the Physical Self

Image courtesy of ponsulak / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of ponsulak / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I’ve become more sensitive to comments about my weight lately.  I’ve been reflecting on it because I can’t decide if the comments are a bit stronger lately or if I’m just more sensitive to them now because I’m insecure about my body.  Many people have commented that I have lost weight.  That is a fact, and I think that’s why that isolated comment doesn’t affect me.   But I’ve gotten some other comments, too.  One person told me I was “withering away”.  Someone else called me a “bean pole.”  Another person asked if I was sick and  hoped I would have some meat.   I have noticed that it’s just a few people, though, so I question if I’m overreacting.

So, I have lost a lot of weight.  You’d think that would be great, but I’ve never had any intention of losing any.   I’ve been perfectly happy with my weight; it’s stayed static since high school (except for junior year in college when I got a belated “freshman 15”).  I mean, sure, I’ll go up 10 pounds or go down a few pounds, but I’ve always hovered around the same number.  I used to be a teacher, and I’d always lose weight during the school year from stress and on-the-go breakfasts and lunches.  Then, in the lazy summer I’d get it back again.

Ever since I’ve started working at a warehouse, though, I’ve lost even more weight.  It may have been aided by my vegetarianism, but I doubt it — that was a half a year before I noticed any real change.  I was concerned for a while, though.  My weight was even less than I’d been in high school, and I thought I could see more of my ribs.  My pants were falling down; my shirts were looking sloppy.  Standing in my regular clothes and looking in the mirror, it looked like I was shrinking.  I was also pretty hungry a lot.  So, I began to worry that maybe I wasn’t taking care of myself.

But then I came to accept myself and realized I was fine.  I have a very active job — a lot of walking, lifting, and pushing —  and I satisfy my hunger by snacking more throughout the workday and preparing sturdier lunches.  I’ve noticed that my back legs have become solid muscle, and I can actually see my abs (although I think they’ve retreated again after 2 weeks off and a ridiculous amount of Christmas goodies!)  Also, my weight has been stable for a while.  It has stopped dropping and has even gone up some.  Most importantly, I’ve been getting protein and vitamins, I’ve never felt a drop in energy, my coloring has been good, I haven’t gotten sick, I’ve had a healthy appetite, and I’m stronger than ever.  (Can someone who is unhealthy bike 100 miles in one day??)

So, the important thing is that I feel secure in myself.  Before this year, people would call me thin and skinny, and I would laugh it off, knowing my body was fine.  But I would like to share that it can hurt be be judged as “underweight,” just as it’s hurtful to be judged “overweight.”  I know that I myself can learn from this lesson, and I intend to.

Kindness

Image courtesy of Gualberto107 / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Gualberto107 / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I cried during healing class tonight.  We were taking turns reading from Lesson 5: “The Effects of Emotions and Stress”, and I’d started reading a quote from an intuitive report, when I got choked up and couldn’t finish.  It was about “bitterness” and “resentment” and carrying the past into the present.  I flashed back to my health analysis, which advised me to study the root of my resentment.  “But I don’t know what that is!” I said.  But it could be that I don’t know myself, as both my health analysis and past life profile suggested.  I mean,  I’ve spent my life trying to be what I thought others wanted me to be, a chameleon who forgot her original color.  That could easily be the root of my anger, as well my resentment.

I also talked to my class about my judgemental-ness of my emotions.  (“I can’t believe you just had that emotion!”  I can’t believe you just judged that emotion!  “I can’t believe you’re judging the judgement” . . . “. . .”)

So, here are some things that I’m going to try this week.:

  • If I’m downward spiraling into a judgement whirlpool, still the mind.  (Be Still!‘)
  • Be kind to others.  This week I’m studying the virtue of “kindness” with the intention of being kind and gentle to others, so that I may learn how to be kind and gentle with myself.
  • Meditate on a higher power.  I asked my teacher what to focus on during meditation because my sessions sometimes felt a bit unfocused (basically, I wasn’t sure if I was doing it right).   He and my classmate said to listen to my heart (So, I guess I’ve been ok!) and to surrender to a higher power.  Creation and evolution come from I AM, and I need to connect to that source.  My teacher said that he connects with a Father God.  I’ve always felt a connection to the Virgen Mary (especially the apparitions of Guadalupe and Medjugorje)  so I choose to focus on a mother figure.

In the end, my classmates reminded me that I am exactly where I’m supposed to be — my conscious and subconscious have created the circumstances that I currently find myself in so that I can learn and grow — and that someday, I will be able to look back on this from the other side.  I smiled a teary smile and said, “God, I hope so!”

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