This weekend came at the tail end of some big change. I left my full-time warehouse position on Friday and finished up my Spanish II tutoring Saturday morning. I am relieved to have completed both of those, but I feel like I haven’t gotten a chance to breathe yet — and maybe I won’t! There are things to do. Goals to accomplish. Gotta get moving.
It is a pattern of mine to be busy, and I’m taking a look at that. Part of it is that I seem to fall apart without structure. Another is that it’s an excuse not to look at my goal, purpose, and ideal. Having downtime means having time to think, to reflect. Busyness means I ain’t got time for that.
Based on my experiences from the last days, the next few weeks are going to mean a couple of things for me.
- Baby Steps. I feel a swelling panic within me because of the huge projects lurking over me; i.e. starting my business, securing supplemental income, and cleaning the whole house. If I panic, I will shut down. I will procrastinate or do nothing at all. So, my first plan is to find the mini goals within the big goal and schedule them and knock ’em out. If the little goal still seems like too much, I will break it down even further. For example: getting myself completely organized and the house completely clean turns into: Cleaning all of my excess stuff (changes of clothes, school books and papers, old winter jacket!, out of the car and dumping it in the kitchen. Next small step: taking things off of the kitchen table and putting it back where it belongs — a few items at a time. Also, I’m wanting to set up a new bank account for the business, and I’m considering a local institution. Seems daunting! My baby step can be calling them up to get some info. Or researching them for a few minutes. If I’m being perfectionistic about setting things up, maybe I drop in and talk with someone first and then come again another time. Anything to get me started.
- Stay Solid, But Stay Open. I feel I don’t do well with change, especially anything that originates from an outside source. One of my metaphysics classmates said that she struggles with change and that it’s a “Virgo” thing, and — as a fellow Virgo — I pounced on it as a convenient excuse for my limitation. I know from experience and my intuitive reports that I desperately throw down anchors around me when things begin to shift around me. The important thing is to become centered within myself. Part of that is becoming secure in myself and who I am and what I’m meant to do. If I can be secure within I will be able to take advice and suggestions better from without — a moldable, squishy outside with a rock-hard core!
What have you learned about yourself this week? How do you deal with change?