Of course this is not the last day I intend to be happy. But this is the sort of end of my “spring break”, and tomorrow I will move on to other topics, with the occasional updates throughout.
Random semi-related thought: I’m really intrigued by the variety of “like”s from this week (because yes, I do sometimes obsess about these things):
Intro: 5 Pieces of Happiness:15 Days 1 & 2: 10 Day 3: 10 Day 4: 9 Day 5: 10 Days 6 & 7: 13 Days 8 and 8.5: 2
So. . . naturally I’m curious about the most recent day. I think it’s likely that it was too long to read or that people are ready for me to move on. Or people have places to go, people to see, other blogs to read etc.
Moving on. . .
1. My health took a hit with the two parties I had this week. I overindulged in many delicious sweets, and I paid for it, especially today. The overeating and sugar explosion resulted in a very cranky, depressed Teri who still has not completely recovered, though faring much better. Sleep has still been fine, and exercise has been great. Yesterday I took Bowser for a walk. Today I biked 14 miles, and after the party I took Bowser for a mile walk.
2. I am having a lot of technological drama this weekend. I’m trying not to dwell on it too much because I know I’m only attracting more to myself that way. I finally completed my first vlog, but I’m still struggling to upload it to letsvlog.com. Brian helped me with conversion — first getting it to be the right size, and then the right file format — and now I’m still trying to get the site to accept it. As of this moment, I have just deleted the video (that the site was still “converting”), and am attempting to upload again. I must admit these difficulties have lessened my excitement with this new venture. But I do think I’m video-genic, so worse comes to worse, I may try youtube next. I’d really like to start with the smaller vlog community, though, before I open myself up to the whole world.
3. People. Ah, people. I was completely awkward at the party last night. Full blown introvertedness, though I tried to fight it/hide it. It was a great party with a lot of people, but I was feeling extremely self-conscious and unsure of myself with all the new people, and my uncomfortablesness came to an unpleasant climax when I lived out one of my most awkward/drawn out goodbye — Brian confirmed it even made him uncomfortable. Maybe I need to just give a blunt “Bye” and spin right around from now on because I think I’ve gone way out to the opposite extreme now. The party today was fine. It was family. I was a little uneasy with the one new person there, but I got over it fairly quickly until the ladies began talking about engagement rings. I think I masked my uneasiness well, but I didn’t even know what I was supposed to think and feel. The thing is, though a part of me wants the traditional things, like a ring, another part of me thinks it goes against everything I am. I don’t wear a lot of jewelry and would never want to spend that much money on any one item, and I certainly wouldn’t want to insist that Brian shell out so much for me. Finally, I abhor the notion that my future decisions and happiness depend entirely on my partner. (Why should deciding to get married be just the guy’s job?) But I could go on and on about that sort of thing. So, I’m moving on again.
4. This is still good. Being present. No, I’m not in a perfect state of awareness all the time, but I’m a lot more aware than I used to be. And I have moments of meditative bliss. Today I found the perfect tree to hug on my walk — the tree was actually leaning in as if about to give a hug! — and wrapping my arms around the massive trunk felt fantastic. Bowser was really patient about the whole thing, too, even when I went to hug a second tree. The trees are still more alive; the birds are alive. I’m more in touch with myself. Unfortunately, that means I’m also in touch with my inner unpleasant feelings, like the dread of going back to work, and my nervous emotional reactions to people and situations. And speaking of touch, I’ve become much more observant of how often I touch my skin, especially my face. I think it’s mainly a nervous thing, and I’ve noticed that I’m doing it a lot more now, as my break comes to an end. I’m wondering if my skin issues are correlated to the amount of contact I have with my skin. I still think stress is a factor, too.
5. I don’t have much to say for this last one. Just that I’m ready for a change and want a simpler life. I’m willing to work hard; I just want to be able to play hard, too. I admit that I miss my regular work routine, and I’m ready to return to work, if only for that part. I keep trying to calm my nervous stomach and tell it that from now on I will not be as stressed, but my body doesn’t want to believe me yet. It may take time.