Posts tagged ‘in the moment’

Fun Friday: Homeostasis

Image courtesy ofzirconicusso at

Image courtesy ofzirconicusso at

On top of the world

Understanding what it all means

In the moment



At Peace


At war within



Lost in my head

Confused and scattered

At the bottom of the pit


In just one day!

“Slow Down!”

Image courtesy of zirconicusso /".

Image courtesy of zirconicusso /”.

Presently all of my life experiences are  telling me to slow down/ de-busy-ify/stop and smell the roses, etc.  But as long as I can remember I’ve kept myself busy, moving.  It’s a tough life lesson to learn, and I’ve been resisting it.

For example,  it was a “slow” day at work today — The perfect opportunity to practice slowing down, right? — and I couldn’t handle it.  Instead of letting off the accelerator and coasting through my activities, I kept myself busy.  I picked up a broom and swept.  Multiple times.  I wiped counters; I grabbed carts that could wait; I rushed crammed in as many carts as I could at the end of the day.  Why so frenetic, Teri?  What’s the rush?

Yesterday I was late for almost every appointment I had.  I was incredibly stressed about the first one, and yet I proceeded to be late for each proceeding event.  Strangely, I felt I had no control over it.  It was like I was on auto-pilot, disconnected from myself and watching in amazement and horror as I re-lived the same mistake again and again.   What was going on?  I figure I was squeezing too much in.  And it was compounding to the point that I had lost control.

Now I’ve finally noticed that I’m so accustomed to rushing around, that I’ve unconsciously been visualizing rushing around. Before I go to sleep, as I’m planning out my morning, I actually see myself rushing around the house, flying from room to room and sweeping my lunch bag, book, water bottle, and study materials into the whirlwind that is me, as I put Bowser away in his crate and fly out the door.

I cram every minute of every day with something.  I take classes, I add tutoring students, I do homework, I go to events.  While driving I listen to my intuitive reports, practice with the holiday concert recording, and do metaphysics exercises.  I find myself contemplating what to squeeze in while I’m waiting to punch in to work, waiting for my next tutoring appointment, or waiting for my food to be ready.

What would it be like to be bored?  I sometimes wonder if that’s what I am afraid of.  Or maybe it’s something deeper?  A memory pops into my mind: I’m a kid, and I hear a friend talking about how bored she was the past weekend, and I remember thinking “Oh, not me.  Never me. I’m never bored.”  So is that it?  Am I afraid of being some kind of bored loser? Does being busy make me feel important?  Or is it more  of a metaphysical issue, that I am afraid of  quiet . . . of simplicity . . .  of nothingness. . . (of everything-ness?)   What would happen if I were just . . .  still?  What would it be like to have nothing to do, nothing on the agenda, nothing in the works?  What would it be like to let it be and not fill in the blanks with work/projects/visits/chores/homework/Facebook/e-mail, etc?

How about you, out there?  Are you a void-filler, too?

Here’s my plan for this week:

  • First, notice the needs to squeeze.  When I have those extra minutes, am I using it as a nice traffic buffer for my commute?  Or do I feel the need to squeeze in one more metaphysics exercise or check my mail?
  • Second, take those 15 minutes to just be.  Instead of pulling out my phone to make a phonecall while sitting at that red light, how about I just sit there at that red light?  Instead of trying to read my lesson while standing at the time clock, what if I just stand there at the time clock?  I can relax.  Breathe.  Notice my surroundings.  Feel what it’s like to be inside my body, and feel what it’s like to still my mind.
  • Third, take a good look at those big events and commitments.  (Proper perspective!)  No more tight back-to-back scheduling.  Or, in positive form: leave lots and lots of space! Allow myself to just relax,  linger.  Maybe I chit-chat a little with one my tutoring parents or a random stranger.  Maybe I sit outside for a bit, if it’s warm  Maybe I read or journal a bit. . . or maybe not. Maybe I just sit.  There’s no rush.  There is time.   I have an abundance of time.  (Affirmation alert!)

This lesson is a big one. (I think I’ve been working on this one since fourth grade!)  What have you been learning this week?

I’m a Writer! (and Believing in Oneself)

I just jumped onto Jeff Goin’s “15 Habits of Great Writers” Challenge” , and I’ve gotta catch up!  Day 1 is proclaiming to the world that I’m a writers, so there it is!  I also double-checked my social media profiles.  I added “writer” to Facebook and saw that my Twitter (TeriLari) already has that down.

Every day I think about how important believing in myself and being confident is.  I keep thinking “If I could just. . .”  But I think the important thing is just to give myself a break.  To just let go. . .  if I am riding myself all of the time, criticizing myself at every turn, how is THAT going to help anything?  I have 3  spiritual books that I keep in the bathroom, and one is 10 Secrets for Success and Inner Peace by Dr. Wayne Dyer.  The last time I picked it up I flipped to the chapter: “You Can’t Give Away What You Don’t Have”.  (I always seem to open up to the right page.)   If I am full of self-criticism, that is all that I have away.  And that is NOT who I want to be.

Seriously, I had to laugh when I heard myself think this morning while walking Bowser: “Good God, Teri,  you can’t be in the moment, can you?  You can’t stay focused for a second!”  Geez!  Lighten up, self!  How can I possibly relax when I have my own ego breathing down my neck every second?  So, my goal is going to be to take a chill pill.  If I find myself off track,I’ll  just be aware of it, and refocus. . . even if it’s for a second!  That’s fine!

And back to writing: I think I want to write children’s stories.  I already have one that I wrote in high school that I like;  I just need to figure out how best to present it to a publisher and WHO to send it, too.  And then I want to keep writing. . . more and more and more.  And I’m going to start journaling every day.  Or at least having writing time, time where I just sit and let myself think, and then write what comes.  I think I have some crazy ideas that I’ve squelched because I thought they were nuts.  All this stifling has shut me off.  Time to open the floodgates!

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This Week

It has been a whirlwind week this week.  Friday I thought I’d finally found some peace, but I was turned upside down when I had to leave a great workshop to return to work because my substitute teacher cancelled on me the night before.  To further give me a spin, my day ended with a phonecall from my mom, telling me that a great uncle had died and the wake was — happening as we spoke.

But I know everything happens for a reason.  I feel it all of the time now.  Too many things come together and make too much sense.  I wish I could make sense of all these happenings.  I wish I could read these signs.  I like having control over my life.  I like knowing where I’m going, where I’m headed.  Change is coming, but what will it be?

Sometimes I wish my spiritual guides would make themselves present to me., just pop in front of me and tell me what’s what, because I know they’re there.  But then I picture something like a ghost apparating in front of me, and then me consequently  having a heart attack.  Is it true that “life is what happens when you make other plans”?  How much do we “let go, and let God”?

Do I just need to relax?  Maybe that would help.  Everything will unfold as it as meant to be.

Image: Danilo Rizzuti /

In This Moment

I haven’t written in a while.  And I’m not sure anymore whether I’m supposed to, or not.  I’ve been reading two books.  One is The Tao of Writing, and the other is If You Want to Write by Brenda Ueland.  They are both enjoyable books, and they seem to be melding together, such that I can’t tell what I read from which book.  (One is my nightstand and bathroom book, and the other travels with me in my purse for downtime situations.)

But, anyway, they both insist that writing is about inspiration, and that forcing oneself to deadlines does not enable authentic writing.  It is forced and cheap.  Of course, I don’t want this.

But they do suggest that you should open yourself up to writing.  You should be “in the moment” and allow inspiration to flow through you.  One suggested that you might sit for hours at a desk, writing nothing or little, and that this was great!  And another talked about taking 7-8 mile walks to let the mind wander freely — and NOT walking for the purpose of exercise in a rushed, purposeful sort of way.  Because that inhibits your creative flow.  (But, who has time for that?!?)

So, then I began to think.  I am a big fan of “in the moment.”  I love the writing of Eckart Tolle and believe he has truly found peace.  My last year’s resolution was to be “in the moment” — it failed mostly —  and I’ve had that desire ever since I’ve read Tolle’s books.

But I am about the worst “in the moment” person I can think of.  I can’t meditate.  I am sometimes even distracted during yoga.  As a teacher, my mind is constantly at work, reflecting on the last lesson, thinking about the next lesson, and then planning for the next day.  I am hardly ever IN THE MOMENT.  Can I find a job, a situation, that helps me find this peace?

And it doesn’t stop with my job.  My extracurriculars are ridiculous.  I have involved myself in weekly yoga, orchestra, and band, and am now struggling with possibly cancelling them all so that I can make room for my theater rehearsals and volunteering (which will hopefully guide me toward my next profession. . .)

I do not know the meaning of downtime.  I only indulge in it when my mind and body rebel in the errands and “to do”s that I have continually forced upon  myself, and then when I abstain, I feel guilty, like a lazy, procrastinating  student, who fails to finish her work and yet knows she will never really be able to finish.  But, if she actually WERE able to finish —  if she actually had NOTHING ELSE TO POSSIBLY DO  . . .  she would be lost.

This is what I have become.  I’d like to take a step back and start over, but I’m afraid to get off the merry-go-round.  I hope that recognition is the first step toward health. . .

Image: scottchan /

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