Posts tagged ‘dog’

ID-100294499“Then, why did we get a dog?”

My eyes burn angry holes into Brian’s back as he stomps up the stairs to take a shower.  He had told me to keep an eye on Leia.  I had just retorted that I wasn’t going to just sit around and watch her every move.

So, why was I so upset?  Because the question had struck me a little raw.  Why did we get a dog?  I didn’t know.

Was this a part of my desire for chaos?  A misdirected need for movement and creation in my life?  Or had I been drawn to this new phase of our lives?  Had I been drawn to this dog in particular?

Our new addition to the family is not what I had expected.  When we first introduced her to Bowser back at the shelter, she had been a cowering little 3-year-old Chihuahua mix.  “Where was the Chihuahua part?” we wondered.  Even when we took her home, I didn’t hear her make a peep.  We began to wonder if she even had a voice box!  2 weeks later, after getting accustomed to her new home and recovering from vaccines and a respiratory illness, the TRUE Leia began to shine through — including a hearty bark and the energetic temperament of a puppy!

Everything’s going to be fine, of course.  This all just feels like another thing that’s turning my comfortable world upside-down without my permission.  (I will change on  terms, darn-nit!)

I believe Leia is another piece to my lesson on tolerance.  I continue to be frustrated with circumstances outside of my control, and I need to accept what is. This has been a big lesson for me, so this may be the theme of the week!  Or the month!  (Universe, help me!)

Have a wonderful, beautiful day, everyone!  May it be filled with much tolerance, understanding, and love. ❤

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at

Dreamy Wednesday: Bowser, Affair, Threatening Texts, and Elderly Care-Taker

I haven’t worked with these dreams as much as I need to.  I may bring one of them up in the Dream Webinar tonight.  I had them Monday morning after a bit of an emotionally tumultuous Sunday.  The good I can gather from it is that I’m involving a lot of aspects of myself. (There are a lot of people in my dreams.)  The part that I need to work on is being able to harmonize with and organize these aspects of myself.  Struggle is a thread throughout these dreams.

These are not necessarily in consecutive order:

Dream #1: Looked like the back of Bowser’s body got ripped off.  Butt and legs.  I’m freaking out.  Brian’s mom assures me it’s fine.  It happens.  It’ll get back together.  I look at him and he still has all of his parts.  His back legs are raw, though.  You can see the muscle like an uncooked drumstick.

Dream #2:I am having an affair.  It’s in a committed relationship with a curly-haired blonde (resembles ice skater from Dancing with the Stars), but I am attracted to a guy who resembles the boy band guy from Dancing with the Stars.  We’ve at least made out a few times and may even have been intimate.  (There has definitely been the desire.)  He’s a good lover, very adoring and tender.  I feel awful.  I want to be with this guy, but I feel loyal to the other.  And I’ve already cheated and feel extremely dishonest. 

I’m in the room with lover and the blonde comes back, and I hug him.

Something about maybe his friends are suspicious.

He’s looking at a bra I have on a hanger (the tiny small pink one that I use when desperate) and something else hanging (underwear?).  He looks at them suspiciously, and I am amused because it has nothing to do with what’s going on.  But I’m wondering if I should come clean.  How can we have a relationship based on lies?

Dream #3: (related to previous?)  Step into an office.  A lot of guys in there having a meeting with guy.  I like the music played, and I mention it to the black guy nearest me. 

Dream #4: In a school setting.  Someone has been sending odd, threatening texts.  Leader of school is putting everyone on alert and trying to gather everyone together.  Feeling of uncertainty and fear.  (Do we see him at one point?)

Dream #5: I’m taking care of 2 very helpless, elderly women.  I lose track of one as we are trying to get aboard a vehicle, like a bus.  I freak out and go off looking for her, leaving the other woman behind.  (She is pissed!)  This woman’s body has been folded up kind of funny (in half) and she is wrapped in a white blanket.  When I get back to the vehicle (the first woman) makes some comment to me (insult).  I smile and say “Thank you.”  She smiles in derision and says it wasn’t meant as a compliment.  I smile and say I treat it as one.

Thoughts. . . About Pets. . . Apparently. . .

"Sniff Sniff"courtesy of Carlos Porto/

“Sniff Sniff”courtesy of Carlos Porto/ 

Get ready for a rambler, y’all.  I intend this blog to be completely all over the place, so if that makes you nauseous, this is not the entry for you.  I will go back and add labels so that there is some appearance of organization, but that’s all you get.

*And now that I’m actually typing this out, I see that I’m going to write about pets.  Ok, then.  So. . .  here are my random thoughts about pets!

Things on Pets That Grow Too Fast

–Dog fur

–Cat claws

Things on Pets That I Wish Would Grow and Not Fall Off Instead and Cover the Entire House and My Jackets and Black Pants and EVERYTHING I SIT ON AND WEAR

–Cat fur

Big Cat

My cat is huge.  I don’t think he’s obnoxiously huge, but he’s clearly overweight.  Almost everyone who visits us comments about it.  The comments bother me, but I don’t plan on changing anything, at least when it comes to his diet.

A few years ago I carelessly messed with his diet because I thought I could feed him any type of cat food – any brand, any price —  and then he started throwing up multiple times during the week.  I took him to the vet, and they suggested various options, including increasingly expensive tests and procedures (which I consented to because every test kept coming back negative, and I certainly didn’t know what the heck was going on with him), and I was shelling out thousands of dollars, and then soon after HE GOT WORSE.  Worse to the point that the experimental medication they had given him was making him squat and cry like he was going to die, and then, my sweetest, most friendliest, darling cat in the world — who nuzzled and accepted my new pup the very first day he met him and easily sits on the lap of any stranger – was cowering and snarling, in a most hissy fit of rage if anyone got anywhere close to him, and so that night at midnight we found ourselves sitting in the emergency pet clinic, completing another procedure, which again helped us none. And then I remembered that one of my friends had once mentioned this one type of cat food that she said worked for her pets, including her sick foster pets, and I decided I would try it, and as soon as he switched, he was back to throwing up once a week or less (which I understand is more normal for cats).

So, even though it is a name brand food and not natural, nor probably the most healthy, I AM NOT CHANGING IT.  Because I’m terrified of making the same mistake.  I realize I could take him to another vet and run allergy tests to find the perfect natural food, and I could put him on a fresh meat/organ, etc diet, but I’m not ready for that.  I’m also now 50 times more wary of vets than I ever was before the whole ordeal.  (And vets and vet-lovers out there, I apologize; I understand that I just had a bad experience and that there are many good vets out there.  Please forgive my health-field-phobia, which is just as strong in  the human-health world.)

And apparently I’ve decided I’m done now, but I anticipate this is not my last rambling pet post. . .

Day 4 on the Road to Happiness (belated)

"Lady Doing Yoga In Park" courtesy of adamr/

“Lady Doing Yoga In Park” courtesy of adamr/

1. Health — Slept in an extra 2 hours and had lots of crazy dreams that I unfortunately can’t remember.  Good breakfast (added spinach to my smoothie again today!); so-so lunch (mostly kidney beans) . . . and also the rest of the chocolate bunny from my grandma; I couldn’t resist it — it was just sitting there!  Ingredients in said bunny: sugar, partially hydrogenated vegetable oil, whey, cocoa, lactose, skim milk, soy lecithin, vanillin (artificial flavor), FD&C Blue #1, Blue #2, Red #40, Yellow #5, Yellow #6 Lakes; and Red #3 — I shudder at all the colors. . . And that’s what my health was until last night — when Brian and I took advantage of the $5 bucket specials.  Wasn’t feeling so great after that. . .  (rehyrating as we speak)

2. Creative Time/ Me Time — Karaoke was great last night.  I got some compliments about my singing, and I realized I’m still really resistant to praise.  I embrace it now.  I am awesome. 🙂 (Not better than anyone else!  And awesome!) I also stumbled upon this site, and I think it’s genius:  I hope it does really well.  Here is a link to my first contribution: She is a Princess.  Anyone can join! Felt inspired to try composing a bit, too, but just did a small string.  Not sure whether I’m going to post it or not.

3. People — I’m realizing more and more that I need to be around people.  I just do.  Sometimes people wear me out, but I think it’s because I don’t feel natural around them.  I’m working to be who I think they want me to be, and that’s exhausting. If I can really be myself, I think I would enjoy gatherings much more and be less anxious about them.  Also, this house is a tomb.  I need me some Feng Shui.

Funny random side note (animals are like people, right?): today I had my first intuitive reading — more on that probably to follow in my next day’s report —  and my cats were fighting like cats and . . . cats (very viciously)  outside my office door, as I was participating in my phone call.  I just realized for all that I complain about Bowser being needy for attention, my cats are just as bad.  Maybe worse.

4. Being in the Moment — This is going better.  I have moments of clarity sometimes during the day.  Have any of you tried to be in the moment and suddenly you’ve felt a shift in perspective?  In focus?  In energy?  Like you notice your hands for the first time, and maybe there’s even a slight tingling.  And your world — which seemed so narrow when you were trapped in your head — now has expanded all around you? Like you’ve been pulled back and out, and there are no longer any walls?   It’s like that.  I want more of that.

5. Life Purpose — I think I will post more about this tonight after my phonecall, but I did want to mention how thrilled I got when I discovered  I had been thinking I wanted to find an outlet for my creativity, and I wanted to be able to share it with the public, with a community, and there it is.  It’s so artsy and vibrant, and I got more excited about the possibilities than I’ve felt about anything in a long time.  Maybe I have it all wrong.  Maybe I’m not supposed to be forcing myself down in a chair with a notebook to just write and write and write about whatever.  Maybe I’m meant to find other creative opportunities.

2 Degrees with Windchill and the Return of the Silverfish

"Sad Woman" courtesy of graur codrin /

“Sad Woman” courtesy of graur codrin / 
Please. . . please. . .. no more snow. . .

To quote someone from Facebook: “The groundhog lied.” The damn groundhog lied. Sorry, Phil — I’m just a little tired today.

This morning the magic spell I had over Bowser apparently wore off: instead of completely ignoring me as I got ready for work and lying quiet and unperturbed in his bed to wait for Brian to rise, he ran up to me, whimpering, his tail wagging in anticipation. “Seriously?” I grunted and then figured it had been nice while it lasted. Brian needed a chance to sleep in, and I could suck it up. Sure, I’d already hit the snooze button once, and I only had a half hour to get ready, but I’d survive somehow.

I was a bit disoriented as I made my way down the stairs toward the door. The alarm had woken me in the middle of many dramatic and vivid dreams, and I was trying to make sense of them and the foul feeling I had carried with me into my waking moments. (My last dreams before waking this morning were of the I’m-at-school-and-I’m-having-a-problem-with-my-students variety.) *On days when I get to sleep in a little bit, I like to stay in bed a few extra minutes and go through the last dreams of my REM sleep. Yes, I know, I know. That’s not the only reason I stay in bed a few extra minutes.*

So anyway, I was getting Bowser’s harness on and grabbing my jacket and some toilet paper as I made my way to the door, and that’s when winter slammed me in the face.  It was cruel enough that he caught me half asleep, but what made it worse was knowing that I would be spending a whole 25 minutes in winter’s icy breath when I had to go out for morning car duty later that same morning.  (I’ve decided just now that winter must be male.  If you don’t like it, too bad.)  And then Bowser made a mess in his hind fur (not his fault – he badly needs a trim), and I spent the next 10 minutes cleaning him up.  (I don’t know how on earth I managed to finish that and pack up and make my tea and smoothie breakfast and still arrive on time, but I did!)  And yes, it was awful, awful, awful out there.  Those of you who live in much more temperate climates – you can laugh at me now.  Those of you who have it worse than me – MOVE!  For the love of all that’s good, how can you stand it??

And in other news, after a long respite, the silverfish has returned.  It’s been sighted twice in the recent past, both times gobbled up by Zelda, the good little princess.   Though I’m not fond of the wee buggers, if they mean spring will finally wake up and join us, bring on all the critters!  (Please remind me of this if I complain later.)

But the good part in all of this is that it wasn’t so bad overall.  Yes, I’m pretty darn tired right now, but I was able to laugh a little at things and keep them in perspective.  Yesterday I used “The Secret” and had a fantastic day (“It’s going to be a great day today; it’s going to. . .  no, it IS a great day today!”  And today I used it a bit to keep my day from starting off as absolutely awful. (“This is still going to be a good day!”)

So, I plan to go to bed a little early tonight and to have sweet, sweet dreams of California and the sweet baby “Angel” who visited me in my dreams sometime in my sleep.

Takin’ Care of Business . . . Or At Least, Tryin’. . .

There are some things that I’ve put off ridiculously long, and this is a brief picture show of what I finally got done within the last week, in order of least pathetic to most pathetic.





**This is not the best of the before and after Bowser pictures I’ve ever taken. . .

3) BOWSER The first specimen is my dog Bowser.  It had been at least 4 months since we’d gotten his hair cut, and he was developing what I like to call his “homeless man” face, for lack of a more politically correct term.  What’s worse, he had this ridiculous clump of fur that would stick right into his eye.  Neither Brian nor I wanted to take him in, so I finally won the honor, when I became so embarrassed and sorry for the dog that I couldn’t take it any more.  And now he is as cute as a button all over again.




2) SOCKS  I got a gift certificate from one of the stores I’m boycotting, and I wasn’t quite sure what to do it, so I went and bought 9 pairs of black socks.  Nothing fancy, just something to replace the sad socks with the big-toe holes that I’ve been hobbling around on now for a year or two.  Really, sad, I know.  This shows you how little I like to shop or maybe how crazy I get about trying to conserve things.  (I actually took a picture of my old socks, too, but I was worried I might frighten anyone away from ever reading my blog AGAIN.)


Ridiculous Light Fixture #1


Ridiculous Light Fixture #2


What it looks like trying to ascend the stairs at night (only darker) . . .


Brian’s solution. . .

1) LIGHT BULBS.  This is the most ridiculous of all the things we have put off because of the obvious inconvenience and safety hazard imposed by this omission.  Let me first explain that I am not a completely ridiculous, helpless girl when it comes to light bulbs.  I change light bulbs, especially if I already have the bulbs.  I have been the one to change the light bulbs in the dining room light fixture, and I have changed bulbs in our living room lamps.  However, these two hallway light fixtures have been a little more challenging; first, because I did not have the bulbs nor know exactly what wattage and size they were; and second, it was rather difficult to reach them.  At some point during my mutterings and strugglings in the dark (see dark picture), I noticed that Brian had gone so far as to dismantle the covering from “Ridiculous Light Fixture #1”, and so I saw my opening.  There was no way I was ever going to get to Ridiculous Light Fixture #2.  Even if I got up the nerve to knock on my neighbor’s door and ask for a ladder and was somehow able to divine the size and wattage of those light bulbs up there, my ridiculously designed landing step is not a landing at all, but rather a criss cross of large triangular stairs, such that it is unlikely either Brian or I will ever have the nerve to come anywhere near those high-in-the-sky light bulbs.   (Why does anyone ever put light bulbs in a place that high, anyway?) So, I grabbed a kitchen stool, hoisted myself up, grabbed a bulb, and read the fixture label.  Armed with a bulb and the wattage, I finally went to the hardware store, came home, and directly changed the 3 bulbs, rejoicing in the end of my torturous evening traipsing, the termination of my flimsy dependence on my not-so-cat-like vision to keep me from tripping on the stairs and plummeting to my death.  What actually makes this item the most pathetic of all is that it hasn’t actually been taken care of at all.  Yes, it is back on my “to do list”, for, alas, my triumph was short-lived when 2 of the bulbs shorted out the very night I replaced them, and the last of the three died the following day.  Clearly something is wrong with the fixture, which means we will have to find a man or woman on stilts to take care of the cloud-high bulbs, if we ever want to see up the stairs again.  Fortunately, my ingenious fiancee found a quick tentative solution (see our final picture). He took one of our Christmas gifts, two timer-ed battery-operated snowman candles, and stuck them on the ledge of a window beneath our sky-high bulbs.  Not ideal, I know, but now the stairwell is slightly less of an ominous cave.

So, there you have it.  Finally getting things done — or not.  And of course, this is only a touch of the wackiness of  our day-to-day lives.  (Don’t even get me started on the garage-door opener in Brian’s car with the month-long dead battery. .  .  I told him I WILL NOT get out of the passenger side and open the garage door for him when it’s snowing. . .)

Crazy, Crazy Day

The following is a synopsis of my nutty day today because I like musing and venting about such things.  Thankfully, it had a happy ending . . .

I started off OFF this morning.  I went to bed a little grouchy over a facebook argument, and I woke up from dreams of cheating —  dreams that I had another boyfriend and dreams that I had cheated on my vegetarian diet, eating meatballs and meat sauce in my pasta.  What was that all about, subconscious self?

Brian woke at 7, my alarm went off around 8, and I hit the snooze button continuously until 8:45.  I just DID NOT want to get out of bed.  I don’t know about you, but anything around 9AM is sleeping in for me these days, and I could possibly sleep even later.

Of course, at that point, I knew I only had an hour to get ready – an hour to shower; comb and dry my now longer hair; get my self together; gather my things for writing workshop, lunch, and tutoring; get Bowser’s crate prepared for him; and take Bowser out.  I knew I was pushing it.  As it neared 9:45, I made it to the living room to gather my things, and I noticed my purse was on the floor with a few things lying around it.  I threw everything back in and decided to peek at my phone.

My mom had called multiple times, and so I checked in with her.  My sister had forgotten lunch, and she wondered if I could get lunch to her, since I was headed to see her class anyway.  Flustered and agitated, I said I would and that I then had to get off the phone and get my butt in gear.  I threw everything in Bowser’s crate and took him outside to make sure he took care of his business, and rushed him back into the house. That’s when I noticed that there were quite a few other items of my purse still on the floor, hiding behind the coffee table, some with small chew marks.

At this point I was doing my guttural screams of frustration (still toned down, so as not to terrify my neighbors).  I knew saying anything to Bowser would be completely meaningless at this point, and I shouldn’t have left my purse out, anyway.  I packed Bowser up, grabbed my stuff, and headed out to start my day.  Sometimes all I can take is one block at a time, one moment at a time.  I felt like this week was going to be one of those weeks.

Thankfully, the middle of the day was fairly normal.  I made it to my sister’s writing workshop with plenty of time.  My writing workshop lesson/writing tutoring went well.  I got some grading done, which has been quite a motivational struggle for me this weekend, and I waited for my afternoon tutoring appointment.

Then, I decided to check my work e-mail.  I was thrown off by an unusual e-mail that I later realized was likely misdirected.  I looked at the clock, realized I was again cutting things close, and raced out the door.   Dang it!  Here I go again, making things crazy! I thought.

Of course, the lights weren’t with me, and the cars in front of me weren’t in any hurry.  Despite this, I made it in time, breathed a sigh of relief, prepped my tutoring things, and settled down to wait for my tutoring student . . . who, as it turns out, happened to be sick that day.   Thankfully, the school secretary noticed me and informed me of this, so I packed up again and headed back out the door.

It felt so good to be home.  Grading consumed much of my weekend, and tutoring,  planning, errands, and classwork took the rest of it.  I’ve been overwhelmed and begun to dread these last two weeks before the holidays.   But tonight, after cleaning up a few things, taking Bowser out, changing into my comfy clothes, and settling down with a great beer, an inspiring movie (How About You), and the rest of my papers, I unexpectedly found peace.  My crazy day was done.  I was home.  Though I still had work to be done, I had nowhere to go (except for yoga, which would hopefully not be stressful).  My harried-ness and crankiness were over, and I knew I would enjoy the rest of my evening.  Things were going to turn around for the better.

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