Posts tagged ‘despair’

Fun Friday: Story Time — Once Upon a Tough Day

Image courtesy of audfriday13 / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of audfriday13 / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Once there was a woman who started the day with good intentions.  Unmotivated as she was to get out of bed and face the world, she completed her exercises, including meditation, and then felt ready to face the world. Her focus word of the day was “courage”.  She gave thanks for good traffic and a successful start to her day.  In the car she munched on cashews and mused over her odd dreams, which didn’t seem to tie into her previous focus word (“love”).   When she arrived at work, she realized she didn’t have her lunch.  She looked all over her messy car (from living on the go), but didn’t see it.   She gave thanks for the cashews and the two dollars she had in her purse.

When she got in to work she focused on her word (courage).  She’d had some frustrations with work the day before and was determined to be as productive as possible today to give everything her best effort.  She whispered “Courage!” over and over as she dug into her work.

But she became tired and frustrated, and she began to lose courage, trading it in for despair.  She had some moments of courage for the day: some phonecalls that she hadn’t wanted to make and was glad she had.  (She hoped she’d dream about those experiences.)  But the overarching feeling was despair, and though she was proud of her work that day, she was too frustrated to take much pleasure in it.

She carried this despair with her to her house and threw it at her fiancee, who did his best to dodge it, staying out of its path.  The woman didn’t want to carry it any more herself, and she tried to drown it in snickers frozen custard.

The woman had a party to go to, and though she felt she needed some space, she knew she needed to be around people, too.  At first at the party she felt awkward, not as warm as she normally was, and she was sad about this.  But as time passed, without her even noticing, her despair slipped away, until it was completely gone.  She played and talked with a little girl there, dressed as a princess, with an active imagination and a goofy sense of humor.  She had scrumptious food — rice, guacamole, chiles rellenos, and more..  She practiced her Spanish.  She met lovely new people and heard many interesting things: stories from Mexico, Puerto Rico, and Panama; natural health tips and concoctions; what shopping in open markets is like; and different odd foods that people like to eat (like crickets and pig’s feet).   She left the party, hugging and kissing new friends and old and hoping to repeat the evening some day soon.

Pulling into the garage, her day was not over.  Her neighbor was sitting out, relaxing in his mancave garage, having a Zen moment.  He’d had a challenging but very successful day and was grateful for his new job, that things were coming together.  The woman was inspired by this and by some words of encouragement he gave her toward her own life.

Sitting on the couch and looking back over the day, she saw that she had indeed needed “courage” to make it through that day. But what had really saved her in the end was “love.”

Just Do It — Be Happy!

I am inspired to write this post based on experiences this week, most recently, reading the blog post Get Happy by Amy Keast.  If you get the chance, check out the video she posted, too.  It was different and really interesting.

So, basically, if you’ve been following my blog, you’ve gathered that I’ve been struggling a lot.  A lot of what’s happening around me frustrates me, and I feel afraid and powerless.  My life is at a cross-roads, and sometimes I don’t know where to turn with my frustration and anxiety.  Often I’ve turned to addictions like bad food and beverages, which is presently wreaking havoc on my digestive system.

What I have found interesting, though, is the people and experiences that I have found attracted to me (or perhaps I am attracted to them?)  Although I feel that my thoughts are dark and my perceptions are dismal, I keep finding myself surrounded by happy, hopeful people.  I don’t know if this means I actually do want to be happy and have hope, or if the spiritual force here in our universe is nudging me in that direction.  I think it’s both.

Here’s what I’ve noticed:

1) The people who respond to and like my posts are happy people.  Many of them seem enlightened and/or really creative, and some have recently gotten through a struggle of their own.

2) I’ve been getting some good kicks in the pants from my friend and coworkers, that really make me squirmy inside.  One of my great friends, who somehow always manages to look on the bright side had this phone conversation with me:

Me: “I’m so miserable.  I had an awful day.  I don’t know what to do anymore.”

Her: “What do you think about in the morning?”

Me: “I hate ___________; I hate _______________; I hate _______________”

Her: “Ah, so you’re attracting negative energy to yourself every day.”

Me: “Yep”

Let me say, I believe what has been happening to me has been good.  It has been necessary for my growth process.  And I believe dissatisfaction is necessary for change; it can be the necessary push to get out of a static position and move to the next phase in your life.  However. . .  I also believe I have become one of those people.  I’m one of those who complains all of the time to those I’m close to and drags myself out of bed and through each day.  I remember when I used to be on the other side, observing grouchy people and thinking: “If they only knew that they were drawing this to themselves.”  Because negativity breeds negativity.  In this case, opposites do not attract.   But negativity can also be like a drug.  It is powerful and can give a false feeling of strength, which can become another bad addiction.  I’m not sure I’m ready to give it up yet.  But I know I need to.  I do.

3) Yesterday’s conversation with another co-worker really put me at peace.  This woman has faith, too.  I could feel it flow from her during our conversation.  She told me that I was a great person and that I would be ok.  We would all be ok.  And I could feel she believed it.  She told me that she had always had faith in her God and that God had never let her down.  I realized, as I listened to her, that I had experienced the same.  Though I am no longer religious, I do believe in a spiritual power or energy that encompasses everything in the universe — I feel it would be foolish to deny it because I have felt it and known it.   I don’t know exactly what it is, or how it works, but I know that when I’ve been at the end of my rope, and  I’ve let go, turning myself over to faith, I’ve felt comforted.  I have always come out ok.  But then, the next time I face a challenge, I often forget my previous success and feel the world is falling around me, all over again.

I could write pages on this.  For now, I end with this:  I am inspired by people who have lost their innocence, who have discovered the evils of the world, and who still persevere in faith.  I get choked up, even typing these words.  I feel I walked blindly through most of my life, and I survived that way.  Now that my eyes are open, I must rediscover faith.

Hanging on Despair

I can see how people can become alcoholic. I don’t think I have the genetic predisposition to become alcoholic, but I have the sensitivity. People don’t get why people turn to alcohol or become suicidal, but I do. I mean, I’m not suicidal nor alcoholic, but I have experienced deep despair, a feeling that I am alone in my suffering because no one else could understand, and I wouldn’t want them to, either. It’s a powerful feeling; it’s intense. And yet I have had a good life. I have had a very good life. So, I can see how someone with my temperament who may have grown up in a different environment, with different circumstances, lacking the family support that I found so pivotal to my development — or experiencing an extremely traumatic event – may despair and prefer to eliminate the pain. I get it. I wouldn’t do it; I hopefully will never feel what they truly feel, but I get it. And we live in a messed up world right now that doesn’t look like it’s going to get cleaned up any time soon. So, I get it. And I hope that person who overdoses on alcohol or drugs or cutting or despair is now at peace. I hope that they have escaped their despair. I know whatever spirits or goddess or god or energy source out there is ready to envelop them in love. And maybe they can return to a new life of better circumstances. Isn’t that why we are here? To find happiness? To find peace?

So, then the question becomes, how can we help our people? How do we support these people who are missing something in their lives, who have lost a loved one or a piece of themselves and who don’t feel they can ever find that elusive peace?

Image: kenfotos / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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