Posts tagged ‘date’

One-Ness Weekend: No Phone? Extra Time?

Image courtesy of Feelart / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Feelart / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

My word for the day was “oneness.”  I don’t know if I focused on it as much as I’d have liked.  Had a bit of a Zen moment when waiting for a tutoring appointment, though.  Did my concentration activity and then sat and enjoyed nature.  Felt very one with everything.

Today I left my phone at home.  I’ve often wondered what would happen if I didn’t have a phone.  Now I know.  Life goes on.  You make do.  There were a few times I wanted to communicate with people.  I wasn’t able to call a tutoring student about a no-show.  I wasn’t able to check in with Brian, as I normally do during the day.  But it was fine.  I took care of both of those later, and everything went on as normal.  And it was actually pretty freeing knowing that I was cut off from my communication device.  I think I was a little more present-minded.

I have discovered that a “balanced schedule”, as listed on my current 10 Most Wanted List,  actually requires a delicate balance.  When I have completely packed my schedule, I get anxious and frustrated, feeling overstimulated and resentful.  However, when I have a big block of free time, I also fall to pieces, losing momentum and motivation and not getting anything done.  So, basically, I think I just need to be scheduled in everything — even my free time.  Like: From 1pm to 2pm I will sit and just be.  From 2pm to 3pm I will attend the Health Meetup.  Etc.  That’s what I’m thinking, anyway.

I have also discovered that I don’t mind service, — helping people — if I’m given enough notice.  I think a week’s notice.  And if it doesn’t take up  almost every day of my week.  Each week I have a vision of the week in mind, and it locks into my mind.  Sometimes I have times locked in, too.  So, if I’m expecting something to last a certain amount of time, and people ask me for help with something afterward, I withdraw and become resentful.  I also find that if I have a “free” day  — which means I don’t have an out-of-the-house engagement (but inevitably have plenty I want to get done at home that day) — and someone asks for a commitment to something, I again become resentful.

I think the best solution for this again is to schedule that “free time.”  Schedule in a date for laundry, for writing, for a home-cooked dinner, etc.  And not feel guilty about it.

Neither guilt nor resentment will help me in my soul progression. 

Date Night

"DVD Player" courtesy of dan/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

“DVD Player” courtesy of dan/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net 

Stayed in tonight and watched a semi-recent release —  Crazy, Stupid, Love — and I loved it.  I’m a softy romantic, but I’m also highly critical of a movie — preferring an interesting plot, good acting, and witty dialog to a cliche crowd-pleaser.  This one was perfect.  It was more on the comedy side than the mushy romance, and I was holding my stomach, rocking, and laughing hysterically quite a few times throughout the flick.  But the best evidence of all that it was a quality movie is that Brian actually watched it with me, instead of distractedly fiddling around on his laptop.  (He said he was just going to watch a little, but I think I caught him watching most of the movie.)

Other highlights of the evening include some bitter, bitter, bitter 90% dark chocolate and a quick dive back into sugar: rainbow sherbet (with only natural coloring) and bites of Brian’s cheesecake — which I attacked mercilessly, reminding me of why I’ve cut out most of the sugary foods from my diet. . .

An honorable mention goes to tonight’s dinner (prepared by master chef Brian) which consisted of a stir fry of mixed veggies, brown rice, and chunks of marinated tofu, cooked in Soyaki sauce AND THEN the most delicious homemade fries, spritzed with olive oil, Parmesan cheese, and Trader Joe’s 21 Seasoning Salute. (SO amazing.)

Fantastic night — looking forward to the next one!

“Writing, I Just Want to Be Friends”

"Old Letters And Quill" courtesy of Simon Howden / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

“Old Letters And Quill” courtesy of Simon Howden / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I finally told writing that I just wanted to be friends.  I was becoming too obsessed with “should”s; I felt like I had to spend all my time with writing, even though I started dreading it.  Inside I knew I needed some space, but outwardly I was determined to do right by writing.  I tried scheduling some private time with writing.  I tried taking writing out on dates (but we only ever made it to the library).  I tried reading books about how to have a better writing relationship, and I tried becoming friends with others who were friends or were intimate with writing.

Finally, it took an intervention from my life/career coach to realize I had to break things off with writing.  Our relationship wasn’t fun anymore.  It was too forced.  Too contrived.  Maybe I was as interested in writing for the wrong reasons.  All I could think about was where our relationship was going.   Everything we did together had to have a purpose.  Writing wouldn’t speak to me as much anymore, and I was relieved.

But now I find that I miss writing.  I miss our daily meet-ups on-line.  And I don’t know if I like that we aren’t officially dating anymore.   There are still times, like right now, when I am involved with writing, and I’m happier than any other time during the week.  I lose sense of what else is going on around me; I feel happy; I feel complete.

Isn’t that what love is?

So, I don’t want to give up writing.  I want to stay together.  But, I’m willing and eager to start fresh.  I mean, not completely.  I want to keep our daily Internet date; that’s always worked out.  But maybe we can experiment in other parts of our relationship.  Some new venues; some new formats.   Maybe we can spend more time in the car together; squeeze in some moments between classes at work.  And maybe we can find some new ways to interact, to communicate.  But no pressure.  No expectations.  This is a time to explore our relationship, to learn who we are apart and together.   And to just flirt a little bit, just play.

I know writing will always be there for me, no matter how we define our relationship, and no matter what pops up in my life.

I look forward to what tomorrow might bring.

How to Appreciate and Recognize Yourself (Blog About It!)

Image courtesy of Master isolated images FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Things that I got done that I have not given myself credit for:

  • Getting the house clean enough for my family to come over.
  • Getting all grading done and grades updated on-line by the end of Friday, as planned.
  • Giving my first writing workshop.
  • Getting caught up on all my mail: work, yahoo, and gmail.  (Still have a lot of writing e-mails to look through, but got through A LOT.)
  • Finishing Mentalist so that I can give it back to Mom tomorrow (library copy).
  • Exercising 4 times this week!  (No, I did not do them all on the planned days, but I did 4 days!  Sunday, Monday, Friday, and Saturday.)
  • Voting.
  • Getting some fresh air on 2 beautiful days.
  • Getting the litterbox emptied out and putting in all fresh litter.
  • Writing!
  • Trying to make my life easier and succeeding.
  • Experimenting with changing negative predictions to positive ones, and succeeding.
  • Making it through 6 daily sessions of the 21-Day Meditation Challenge!
  • Sitting here and eating arugula out of a bag.  (Yes, it’s weird, but I’m feeling lazy, and at least it’s healthy!)
  • Introducing myself on the Chicago Writer’s Group on yahoo groups.
  • Buying myself a special new journal
  • Going out to a movie and dinner (yes, reversed!) with my fiancée.
  • Taking Shaklee GLA Complex to try to regulate my mood swings.
  • Taking my multivitamins, Neutriferon, and Vivix daily (or as soon as I remember!)
  • Trying out a new book club book.
  • Drinking more water.
  • Allowing myself a day free of work (unless sifting through e-mail counts as work?)
  • Practicing the lying-on-my-back, legs-against-the-wall stretch for my legs and lower back that my yoga teacher recommended to me.
  • Trying an alternative route home to avoid the crazy return traffic.
  • Being up-to date on bills and errands.
  • Writing this post!

I think that should do it for today!  I’m already feeling great!

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