Posts tagged ‘choices’

There Are No Mistakes

"Yellow Empty Room" courtesy of sumetho / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

“Yellow Empty Room” courtesy of sumetho / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

“It is our hope that you will see the value in what you have thought and done.”

This is a quote from my second lesson in the School of Metaphysics.*  To me it means to look back at my past.  It means to see everything in the light of learning.  We shine light on what we have accomplished — even those areas that make us squirm, that we would rather leave in the dark. 

I know there are no mistakes.  Sometimes I wonder how my life would have been different if I’d made different choices.  I’ve preferred to float around on the breeze, letting the universe take responsibility for my life, so that I would not have to face the consequences.  Well, now I see that this is something I must unlearn.  It is time for me to consciously make choices, big and small, day-by-day.  It is time for me to accept responsibility for my actions, revel in my fulfilled promises, evaluate my accomplishments.

Besides the regular exercises that I am completing for class, I have added voicing my choices aloud during the day.  (“I am going to do a load of laundry.”  “I am going to apply for this job.”)  And then I recognize my accomplishments. 

I look at where I am now, and I look at my choices.  I see the people (and animals!) I have put in my life.  I see what I chose to study.  I see what jobs I chose.   I see what value I have given myself.   I see what life I have chosen.   And I begin to see where I go from here.

 

*Lessons may last more than one day.  I have had 4 weeks of class, but I’m on the 2nd lesson.

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Dream Parker

 "Empty Parking Spaces" courtesy of scottchan / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

“Empty Parking Spaces” courtesy of scottchan / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Ok, so I’m having a lot of parking lot dreams. (This is an improvement from my losing-control-of-the-vehicle dreams, let me tell you . . .)  These have gotten my attention because I don’t remember ever dreaming about it before.

I had three in the span of one week.  Unfortunately, I didn’t write them down, so I only remember the first and last.

In the first, I was dropping off something to my sister at school – which was her place of work, except it wasn’t really where she works because it was my old elementary school. I wanted to pull into the front driveway loop to quickly stop in, but the traffic directors were waving me on to the parking garage.  (There is no parking garage for that school in real life.)  I was frustrated, but I didn’t see what else to do, so I drove in and parked.  Someone gave me a bit of a tour of the garage.  It was cozy with a loft above that had some couches.  And I think there may have been a bookcase.  I think I remember being glad to have been able to be in there and to have seen it.

In the last dream I was going to a family reunion — some sort of outdoor gathering — and I’m pretty sure I was running late.  My mom happened to be pulling in just ahead of me, and so I followed her.  There was a side lot that was gated with metal fencing, and she pulled in there, so I parked in there, too.  Later it was time to leave, and my dad said: “You didn’t park in the side lot, did you?” to my mom.  We went to the lot and the gate was closed.  We couldn’t see our cars, and there were men working in there, perhaps doing construction work and also transporting.  We kept looking and trying to figure out what to do.

"Empty Parking" courtesy of anankkml/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

“Empty Parking” courtesy of anankkml/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

This is what I got from dreammoods.com:

“To dream that you are parking your car represents your desire to settle down. Alternatively, it means that you feel accomplished in your goals and satisfied with your life. If you have difficulty parking the car, then it means that you are in some sort of a rut. You are feeling restless. Perhaps you wished you had taken a different path in your life.

To dream that you parked your car in a non-parking zone suggests that you are poking your head in places where you do not belong. If you forgot where you parked, then it indicates that you have lost your direction in life. You are going off track.”

And/or:

“To dream that you are in parking lot suggests that you need to slow down and take time from your daily activities.”

And/or:

“To see or dream that you are in a parking structure suggests that you are going around in circles in some area of your life. You are feeling lost in what you want to do. If you cannot find your car, then it means that you have lost a little bit of yourself along the way toward your goals. You are turning into someone you dread or someone you don’t know anymore.”

My analysis:

Rut?  Check.  Restless?  Check.  Wishing for a different life path?  Check. Lost my direction and off-track?  Quite possibly.  I hope I’m not sticking my head in the wrong places . . .  (I don’t think so, though).  A need to slow down is possible.  Going around in circles and being lost about what I want to do also makes sense.  Losing part of myself and not being sure of myself and what I’m doing and who I am also make sense.

No parking lot dreams last night.  Alright, subconscious and spiritual guides, now please direct me on how to fix my problems!

 

I want to eat, eat, eat – EVERYTHING and ANYTHING!

"Hippopotamus" courtesy of RTP411 / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

“Hippopotamus” courtesy of RTP411 / FreeDigitalPhotos.net(This is me when I’m hungry!  Nam nam nam!)

 

I have a burning fire within me and it’s called a rumbling tummy.

Almost 3 months without meat and the refrigerator is nearly empty.

 

My body is not happy. —

And I’m dreaming about it, too!

 

Trying to be healthy, watching what I eat.

Meat is not an option, avoiding most treats.

 

Dark, dark chocolate was my fall-back,

But my body is rejecting it . . .

 

How can I feed my sweet tooth. . .

Can I learn to love fruit?

 

Hardly time to eat between things.

Need pre-planned and pre-packed meals.

 

But the fridge is just as empty

as the kitchen sink is full.

 

Can’t pack lunch and dinner —

(No containers and no food!)

 

Need a free genie chef

To make scrumptious vegetarian dishes.

 

Anyone want to volunteer?
Or can I borrow yours?

Broke

Image courtesy of Grant Cochrane / FreeDigitalPhotos.net 

 

It’s hard being broke.   I’m grateful for this experience, but it’s wearing on me.  It’s funny that I feel this way.   It’s amazing how quickly you can used to a certain standard of living, even if you grew up with something else.I didn’t know I was poor as a kid.  It never occured to me.  I thought it was awesome that I got clothes from my young aunt.  She was so cool, and wasn’t I lucky?  And I didn’t know that the government was paying for the school lunch I ate every day.  I never felt that I wanted for anything.  I received money and gifts for birthdays and holidays, and I saved it and got what I wanted, which — as I recall — was  dozens of Barbie dolls and My Little Ponies.

When I left college and got my first teaching job, I felt rich.  I was living with my parents (paying minimal rent) and the rest of my income was mine.  I began to travel.  I ordered whatever I wanted at restaurants.  If I needed something, I got it.  I didn’t go crazy.  I didn’t buy things I didn’t need or really want.  But I didn’t have to think twice about any purchases, either.

Then, I got a mortgage.  That was a difficult adjustment.  Suddenly most of my paycheck was going toward a house, utilities, gas, and various other new expenses.  I didn’t think it could get harder.  But then I left my teaching position.  Now I wasn’t just cutting back on what I wanted, I was worried about getting what I needed.

This experience has taught me about really looking at everything I purchase, scaling back as much as possible, but finding a way to still be healthy and happy.  I temporarily gave up yoga but realized I couldn’t go without.  I considered cutting out Trader Joe’s and switching to Aldi, but Brian has convinced me to look at portion size and eliminating waste instead.

I’m also taking a good look at life in general.  What’s important to me?  What do I want and need the most?  My answer is this: happiness.  So, what will it take to get there?  Will it take a little more money?  Or will that extra job impede my happiness?  How do I get where I want to be?

That’s what I plan to find out.

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