Posts tagged ‘busy’

Fun Friday: Storytime — Busy Beatriz Bee

ID-10027051Beatriz Bee was always busy.  She had exercises that she did in the morning.  She left early to make sure she was on time for work in the hive, and she worked a full 8.5 day making honey (no paid lunch).  In the evenings Beatriz took bee classes, taught bee classes, tutored little bees, attended and led bee events, played bee-ball, blogged her bee thoughts, and checked bee-mail and BeeBook.  On the weekends she tutored more little bees, attended bee meetings, and went to family bee events.  Beatriz Bee thought she was doing this because she needed to work.  She needed the money.  And she needed to be busy. Beatriz thought she was a very happy little bee when she was so “productive.”

But Beatriz realized she was not a happy little bee.  She didn’t actually like working so much.  In fact, she didn’t know if she liked working much at all.  And it was spring — busy season — and Beatriz’s life got more and more hectic.  Beatriz Bee began to droop.  Her heart wasn’t in her honey-making.  She stopped looking for little bees to teach.  Beatriz Bee sunk lower and lower.

After one particular low day of honey-making Beatriz Bee wanted to give up completely.  She didn’t see a way out of her crazy bee life, and she didn’t want to be a bee anymore.

Thankfully, that same day Beatriz Bee also had one of her little bee students for a tutoring session.  And she realized she had enjoyed tutoring more than she had enjoyed her work in the hive.   Beatriz looked at what in her life fulfilled her little bee self.  And she looked at what didn’t.  And so Beatriz bee decided to quit her job in the hive.  She decided she was going to tutor more little bees and look for other creative ways to use her other bee talents.

Beatriz was a bit scared: Would she have enough abundance?  Would she like her new ventures?  Somewhere deep inside Beatriz Bee knew that she would.  Her little antennae were perked, her eyes and stripes were bright, and Beatriz Bee felt ready to face the world.

“Slow Down!”

Image courtesy of zirconicusso /".

Image courtesy of zirconicusso /”.

Presently all of my life experiences are  telling me to slow down/ de-busy-ify/stop and smell the roses, etc.  But as long as I can remember I’ve kept myself busy, moving.  It’s a tough life lesson to learn, and I’ve been resisting it.

For example,  it was a “slow” day at work today — The perfect opportunity to practice slowing down, right? — and I couldn’t handle it.  Instead of letting off the accelerator and coasting through my activities, I kept myself busy.  I picked up a broom and swept.  Multiple times.  I wiped counters; I grabbed carts that could wait; I rushed crammed in as many carts as I could at the end of the day.  Why so frenetic, Teri?  What’s the rush?

Yesterday I was late for almost every appointment I had.  I was incredibly stressed about the first one, and yet I proceeded to be late for each proceeding event.  Strangely, I felt I had no control over it.  It was like I was on auto-pilot, disconnected from myself and watching in amazement and horror as I re-lived the same mistake again and again.   What was going on?  I figure I was squeezing too much in.  And it was compounding to the point that I had lost control.

Now I’ve finally noticed that I’m so accustomed to rushing around, that I’ve unconsciously been visualizing rushing around. Before I go to sleep, as I’m planning out my morning, I actually see myself rushing around the house, flying from room to room and sweeping my lunch bag, book, water bottle, and study materials into the whirlwind that is me, as I put Bowser away in his crate and fly out the door.

I cram every minute of every day with something.  I take classes, I add tutoring students, I do homework, I go to events.  While driving I listen to my intuitive reports, practice with the holiday concert recording, and do metaphysics exercises.  I find myself contemplating what to squeeze in while I’m waiting to punch in to work, waiting for my next tutoring appointment, or waiting for my food to be ready.

What would it be like to be bored?  I sometimes wonder if that’s what I am afraid of.  Or maybe it’s something deeper?  A memory pops into my mind: I’m a kid, and I hear a friend talking about how bored she was the past weekend, and I remember thinking “Oh, not me.  Never me. I’m never bored.”  So is that it?  Am I afraid of being some kind of bored loser? Does being busy make me feel important?  Or is it more  of a metaphysical issue, that I am afraid of  quiet . . . of simplicity . . .  of nothingness. . . (of everything-ness?)   What would happen if I were just . . .  still?  What would it be like to have nothing to do, nothing on the agenda, nothing in the works?  What would it be like to let it be and not fill in the blanks with work/projects/visits/chores/homework/Facebook/e-mail, etc?

How about you, out there?  Are you a void-filler, too?

Here’s my plan for this week:

  • First, notice the needs to squeeze.  When I have those extra minutes, am I using it as a nice traffic buffer for my commute?  Or do I feel the need to squeeze in one more metaphysics exercise or check my mail?
  • Second, take those 15 minutes to just be.  Instead of pulling out my phone to make a phonecall while sitting at that red light, how about I just sit there at that red light?  Instead of trying to read my lesson while standing at the time clock, what if I just stand there at the time clock?  I can relax.  Breathe.  Notice my surroundings.  Feel what it’s like to be inside my body, and feel what it’s like to still my mind.
  • Third, take a good look at those big events and commitments.  (Proper perspective!)  No more tight back-to-back scheduling.  Or, in positive form: leave lots and lots of space! Allow myself to just relax,  linger.  Maybe I chit-chat a little with one my tutoring parents or a random stranger.  Maybe I sit outside for a bit, if it’s warm  Maybe I read or journal a bit. . . or maybe not. Maybe I just sit.  There’s no rush.  There is time.   I have an abundance of time.  (Affirmation alert!)

This lesson is a big one. (I think I’ve been working on this one since fourth grade!)  What have you been learning this week?

Not Dead

This is a post to say that future posts are coming.  I haven’t posted in almost a week, and I’ve really, really missed it.  I’ve CRAZY overbooked myself, and I’m adjusting (as evidenced by the ridiculous amount of caps in this post).  Really.  I spent almost every waking minute doing some work-related, except for occasionally checking Facebook and e-mail (which is also sometimes work-related), and I’m really super-duper excited about Friday because I finally get a chance to STAY HOME AND GRADE PAPERS. Ha!  That’s not really what I’m excited about (although sometimes I actually DO enjoy grading papers;  I know, it’s sick).  What I’m really actually excited about is the TV shows/movies I’ll be watching as background while I’m grading papers, which I’m only letting myself watch because I’M STILL WORKING while I watch them.  ::Sigh::

But anyway, in summary, I have a lot to write about, but writing a satisfying blog takes time, and I have to shower and plan a bit for tomorrow, in preparation of my last crazy day this week.  MORE BLOGS COMING!

Crazy, Crazy Day

The following is a synopsis of my nutty day today because I like musing and venting about such things.  Thankfully, it had a happy ending . . .

I started off OFF this morning.  I went to bed a little grouchy over a facebook argument, and I woke up from dreams of cheating —  dreams that I had another boyfriend and dreams that I had cheated on my vegetarian diet, eating meatballs and meat sauce in my pasta.  What was that all about, subconscious self?

Brian woke at 7, my alarm went off around 8, and I hit the snooze button continuously until 8:45.  I just DID NOT want to get out of bed.  I don’t know about you, but anything around 9AM is sleeping in for me these days, and I could possibly sleep even later.

Of course, at that point, I knew I only had an hour to get ready – an hour to shower; comb and dry my now longer hair; get my self together; gather my things for writing workshop, lunch, and tutoring; get Bowser’s crate prepared for him; and take Bowser out.  I knew I was pushing it.  As it neared 9:45, I made it to the living room to gather my things, and I noticed my purse was on the floor with a few things lying around it.  I threw everything back in and decided to peek at my phone.

My mom had called multiple times, and so I checked in with her.  My sister had forgotten lunch, and she wondered if I could get lunch to her, since I was headed to see her class anyway.  Flustered and agitated, I said I would and that I then had to get off the phone and get my butt in gear.  I threw everything in Bowser’s crate and took him outside to make sure he took care of his business, and rushed him back into the house. That’s when I noticed that there were quite a few other items of my purse still on the floor, hiding behind the coffee table, some with small chew marks.

At this point I was doing my guttural screams of frustration (still toned down, so as not to terrify my neighbors).  I knew saying anything to Bowser would be completely meaningless at this point, and I shouldn’t have left my purse out, anyway.  I packed Bowser up, grabbed my stuff, and headed out to start my day.  Sometimes all I can take is one block at a time, one moment at a time.  I felt like this week was going to be one of those weeks.

Thankfully, the middle of the day was fairly normal.  I made it to my sister’s writing workshop with plenty of time.  My writing workshop lesson/writing tutoring went well.  I got some grading done, which has been quite a motivational struggle for me this weekend, and I waited for my afternoon tutoring appointment.

Then, I decided to check my work e-mail.  I was thrown off by an unusual e-mail that I later realized was likely misdirected.  I looked at the clock, realized I was again cutting things close, and raced out the door.   Dang it!  Here I go again, making things crazy! I thought.

Of course, the lights weren’t with me, and the cars in front of me weren’t in any hurry.  Despite this, I made it in time, breathed a sigh of relief, prepped my tutoring things, and settled down to wait for my tutoring student . . . who, as it turns out, happened to be sick that day.   Thankfully, the school secretary noticed me and informed me of this, so I packed up again and headed back out the door.

It felt so good to be home.  Grading consumed much of my weekend, and tutoring,  planning, errands, and classwork took the rest of it.  I’ve been overwhelmed and begun to dread these last two weeks before the holidays.   But tonight, after cleaning up a few things, taking Bowser out, changing into my comfy clothes, and settling down with a great beer, an inspiring movie (How About You), and the rest of my papers, I unexpectedly found peace.  My crazy day was done.  I was home.  Though I still had work to be done, I had nowhere to go (except for yoga, which would hopefully not be stressful).  My harried-ness and crankiness were over, and I knew I would enjoy the rest of my evening.  Things were going to turn around for the better.

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