The Power of Conscious Emotion
by Jorge Candelaria
Some people want to improve their lives, but they don’t want to do anything differently. They are addicted to their way of being. To improve one’s life and make the difference on the planet requires trying different ways of being. Sometimes it requires challenge and sacrifice, but sometimes it’s just about enjoying the journey.
It has been six years since I started my journey to know myself. I had no idea at that time where I was going to end up, and that allowed me the freedom to have new experiences and to be different, From my heart I knew that there had to be something more out there because nothing that I was doing was fulfilling me.
Some parts of the journey have felt like a struggle, and in other parts I am reaping the fruit of my efforts. The first step in my journey was exploring discipline, and I experienced how powerful it was. I learned the influence of discipline on my feelings and emotions, and I started to understand my environment at a deeper level. I also became aware of other people’s behavior around me and the influence of our thoughts and our choices on each other and each other’s behavior.
I fell in love with discipline, meditation, and spiritual exercises, that allows me to be in the present moment and get me closer and closer to have a quiet mind. I started practicing self-observation and objectivity with my thought; this process allowed me to discover all the baggage that I needed to change or get rid of. At some points I was face-to-face with anger, self-pity, and sorrow. Sometimes I reacted, blamed, and complained, blending all of those emotions. In those moments I realized the effect of discipline and commitment in the process of spiritual development, in being able to see how I was actually creating my reality. I also observed past patterns of thinking, including coping mechanisms I used to hide myself in, using unproductive habits like overworking or excessive internet use when things got tough. Then instead I started developing ways that I could be in those challenging emotions, experiencing them. I observed myself in the present moment, observed how I was creating the experience. I could then see if the feeling was habitual, an addictive behavior that was that an unconscious reaction to the experience. In that process, I learned that I had so many wounds that I needed to heal, like blaming other for triggering a negative emotion. I realized it was something that I learned at home when I was little. Through this process I began to discover and trace how I developed my personality, and how I became who I am.
I also started to observe the usefulness of discipline to consciously create in my life. This is something that I have always enjoyed. I see the benefits of discipline in creating a business and focusing on one direction without the hassle of the standard ways of marketing, just maintaining the positive and direct thoughts of serving and loving what I do.
The objectivity and mindfulness I have developed has helped me stay conscious in my work. The unconscious habit that I catch myself in is thinking that just working harder is going to help me to solve a problem in the business, in my life or in being ‘productive.’ I think I am going to fill some emptiness. In those moments I now stop and look for what I am avoiding, what problem or what emotion I need to face.
In the journey of breaking my addictive behavior, I have found that the most important thing is to experience a deeper understanding of love. I am looking to receive all new people in my life into my heart, to experience divine friendship. Also, just as importantly, I look to experience and practice self love.