Today I was thinking about something I learned recently about pride and shame. It always amazes me how everything is connected. One of the students from the School of Metaphysics was talking about the emotional doorways when we were eating lunch at the “Your 12 Sacred Relationships” workshop in Countryside. One of the other students had been talking about leos and pride, and this student spoke about how shame is on the opposite end of pride. Humility is in the middle. If someone has an inclination toward pride, this person will also experience shame at some point. The goal is to return to balance, to be in humility.
Yesterday my hackles were raised. I became angry. My thoughts became dark and vengeful and tantrum-like. This was hard for me as I was experiencing this because I have a lot more knowledge now. I knew what was going on. I knew how strong my ego was clinging to pride and to outdated modes of thinking. I also knew that thought is energy and can be destructive as much as creative. Have you ever experienced having a dark moment, and then “everything goes wrong”? This was happening to me, too, and I knew I was attracting it. Bad traffic. Bumping my head. Things not working properly. I knew at least one of the lessons I had missed. And I knew it was going to come back. And I hated this. And the emotions continued.
It’s not great to go to bed unsettled, unresolved. But life goes on. Today is a new day. I’m better able to reflect. I have indeed been chipping away at my life lessons. I will continue. I am reminded from the workshop yesterday that virgos tend to get intensely focused on individual things and believe the world is ending if things aren’t going right. So far the world is not ending. Today is a good day. I also felt ashamed of some of my reactions yesterday. And I remembered a good friend who had experienced similar pride and shame. I now have more compassion for him. And remembering him, I’m able to move a little better through mine. This morning I repeated to myself: “I forgive myself.” “I forgive others.” “I forgive myself.” “I forgive others. . . .” I’m remembering that every part of me IS me. It is not all of me, but it is an aspect of me, and I may never be my “best” me — or True Self — all of the time. And that’s ok. Life goes on. More things make sense. More lessons are learned. Things always work out.
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