It’s the Weekend! — End of an Era
I’ve sometimes wondered if anyone gets annoyed when radio stations announcers get excited about the “weekend”? It makes me wonder who the listeners are for that station. What about the waiter/waitresses, retail workers, computer programers, bank tellers, car dealers, customer service representatives, etc who don’t have a “weekend”? As a weekend worker myself, I was at least amused. And next week marks the reclamation of my first “weekend” day back. I used to have 3 consistent tutoring students on Sundays. One ended for the summer, one switched to Monday nights, and my writing/clarinet student of 2 years had his last lesson with me today. (The student’s parents seemed sadder to see me go, but I know he’s feeling it somewhere inside, too!) I am ecstatic to have the time back. If you ever start feeling bored, just fill up your schedule ridiculously much and then slowly start taking things away — like the farmer who complains he can’t sleep, then proceeds to add animal-after-animal to his house upon the advice of a wise man, and finally can sleep after he takes all of the animals away again. The power of perspective and attitude is amazing.
I am coming to realize my guests will likely never see a perfectly clean house again. The carpet is worn, I haven’t dusted, I couldn’t catch all of the cat fur, I could have scrubbed harder, and I may have missed some spots around and in the furniture. But every little bit helps, and most of the rooms are pretty clutter-free, the countertops are clean, the dishes are done, the area is vaccumed, and I gave the kitchen sink and floor a good scrub. Even though it isn’t perfect, it feels that much more pleasant to be home.
What Do I Eat?
Today I had to laugh at myself because I realized I’m still a child in some ways. (Actually, many ways, but let’s focus on one thing at a time. . .) People — like my parents — have said that the cure to a picky eater is simple: They choose to eat what you give them, or eventually they’ll get hungry and will eat what’s available. Today I felt into one of those “There’s nothing to eat!” episodes, staring despondently at the emptying freezer and fridge. Translation: There’s nothing snack-y or ready made for me to eat. Thankfully reasoning kicked in, and I took a deeper look at what was available. I finished the leftover soup Then, I pulled out the leftover broccoli stems (I’d used the heads for salad), cut off the questionable parts, and chopped the rest into chips that I doused in olive oil and set to bake in the oven. Then I rescued some strawberries, cutting of the squishy and moldy parts and getting that satisfying snack I was craving. Satisfied my hunger and cleaned out more of the fridge. Bonus! . . . And just now Brian came home with some leftover strawberry cheesecake ice cream cake — Holy cow, it must be Christmas! 🙂
Where Do I Go From Here?
Sometimes it’s good to take that look back on your life and try to find the thread that ties all of the pieces together, so you can see your growth and not beat yourself up over your “failure”s. Fore example, I like to beat myself up over studying education. I often ruminate over that talk with my college counselor, when she called me into her office, and I confided that I had little idea of what I wanted to do with my life “but I’d thought about maybe teaching.” I later berated myself for my indecision, for going along with what I thought I was “supposed to do” and not going for what I wanted to do. “Look at me now!” I’d say. “I’m working in a warehouse!” “Where did that education actually get me?” But as I turn around and take a panoramic view of my situation, I begin to see some things.
First of all, where did that idea for teaching come from? It was not a strong urge, but the notion came from somewhere. I’d remembered playing teacher as a child. I knew I loved to learn. Maybe classroom teaching didn’t turn out to be the love of my life, but there was something that about teaching that had gotten my attention, and I believe it was my intuition. I knew I had an urge to learn, and I knew I had an urge to teach. I was on the right track.
Second, I have been blessed because of teaching. If it weren’t for teaching, I likely wouldn’t have the house I have now. Thus, I’m not sure if I would have met Brian. I wouldn’t have met my wonderful colleagues, who I try to keep in touch with. I wouldn’t have had the beautiful memories I’ve had of past students and fun experiences.
Third, I’ve learned some useful skill from teaching. I’ve improved my communication skills, I’ve felt more comfortable giving lectures and presenting material. I’ve learned how to problem-solve. I’ve come to recognize and appreciate my patience, and I kept up my Spanish.
Finally — I am still teaching. When I quit teaching I stopped calling myself a “teacher.” I my eyes, I was done. But I’m really still teaching all of the time. I’ve changed paths, but it’s the same road. I tutor, I teach metaphysics classes, I’m considering starting preschool enrichment classes, and I teach whoever wishes to hear — whether it be through this blog, through social interactions, through Facebook, or through my example. I am a teacher. I was meant to be a teacher, and I knew it, though I didn’t know it. The soul knows what it wants.
And, so, I’ve decided I need to shut up for a while. Because I know. Even as I cry out for clarification, afraid that I will be lost forever, my soul knows. It’s just waiting me to be quiet for a moment and stay still enough to listen.
I’ve been thinking a lot more about my most recent intuitive report, the Past Life Crossing. I just shared it at a SIR (Society for Intuitive Research) meeting that focused on past life crossings. I haven’t delved into this report as much as I have for my other intuitive reports — my Past Life and Health Analysis. This particular report — the crossing — hadn’t resonated with me as much, and as it was a report I shared with Brian — who wasn’t sure how much he was into it, I didn’t put my full attention into it. However, I’ve begun noticing a few things.
First, that in that past life I’d been a caretaker of children. I didn’t think that was a big deal, except that I’ve likely had many, many lifetimes doing many different things, and in this one I happened to be working with children. Was that a message for me, a person considering working as a nanny or trying out preschool?
Also, the report drew my attention to my desire to “throw down anchors.” I am frequently attempting to stabilize by trying to control my environment. My report advised that this wasn’t useful, especially as it related to other people. I can find centeredness — “control” — by aligning within myself. Be still and find peace within, and the without will match.
I’ve been noticing more lately the judgements that surface in my thoughts and the frustrations I experience when people don’t act or respond in a certain way. From an objective standpoint I can see how ridiculous this is — I cannot control other people! I will find happiness by aligning with my own goals and purposes. Beyond that I must keep the conduit of my heart open at all times, sharing love with all, attracting those who want to receive what I have to offer, and sharing of what I have to give.
I’m interested to see how I work through this lesson in the couple of weeks. . .
Why I Received This
I had an epiphany Friday morning when I was outside doing my exercises. I was thinking about karma and situations the universe sends to me/I’ve sent to myself. I was thinking about how one of the doctors of the school told my teacher that if someone was self-critical it meant that they needed that criticism. I didn’t understand. I thought I did. I feared karma, and I struggled with the brutality of my inner thoughts. Then Friday morning something clicked. It’s all about love. Why are we here? We are here with a soul purpose. And in each lifetime we seek to advance to be that much closer to enlightenment than we were before. We are hear to learn and to grow. Experiencing the same repeating, awkward, and uncomfortable situation is not punishment. Recognizing areas of weakness is not meant to be for belittlement and derision. It all comes from love. Because someone who really loves someone hopes for — desires — the best for that entity. And the best a person can do is continually change, continually grow. To live and learn and benefit from every life experience.
So, that same lesson is not coming back again because my soul yearns for it, and the universe is on board. I am recognizing areas for change because my soul sees an ideal and what’s me to be aware of what I need to be to reach it. So, I will receive each loving gift. Even if I do not at first appreciate its value, I will not return it.