Image courtesy of Feelart / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Feelart / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

My word for the day was “oneness.”  I don’t know if I focused on it as much as I’d have liked.  Had a bit of a Zen moment when waiting for a tutoring appointment, though.  Did my concentration activity and then sat and enjoyed nature.  Felt very one with everything.

Today I left my phone at home.  I’ve often wondered what would happen if I didn’t have a phone.  Now I know.  Life goes on.  You make do.  There were a few times I wanted to communicate with people.  I wasn’t able to call a tutoring student about a no-show.  I wasn’t able to check in with Brian, as I normally do during the day.  But it was fine.  I took care of both of those later, and everything went on as normal.  And it was actually pretty freeing knowing that I was cut off from my communication device.  I think I was a little more present-minded.

I have discovered that a “balanced schedule”, as listed on my current 10 Most Wanted List,  actually requires a delicate balance.  When I have completely packed my schedule, I get anxious and frustrated, feeling overstimulated and resentful.  However, when I have a big block of free time, I also fall to pieces, losing momentum and motivation and not getting anything done.  So, basically, I think I just need to be scheduled in everything — even my free time.  Like: From 1pm to 2pm I will sit and just be.  From 2pm to 3pm I will attend the Health Meetup.  Etc.  That’s what I’m thinking, anyway.

I have also discovered that I don’t mind service, — helping people — if I’m given enough notice.  I think a week’s notice.  And if it doesn’t take up  almost every day of my week.  Each week I have a vision of the week in mind, and it locks into my mind.  Sometimes I have times locked in, too.  So, if I’m expecting something to last a certain amount of time, and people ask me for help with something afterward, I withdraw and become resentful.  I also find that if I have a “free” day  — which means I don’t have an out-of-the-house engagement (but inevitably have plenty I want to get done at home that day) — and someone asks for a commitment to something, I again become resentful.

I think the best solution for this again is to schedule that “free time.”  Schedule in a date for laundry, for writing, for a home-cooked dinner, etc.  And not feel guilty about it.

Neither guilt nor resentment will help me in my soul progression. 

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