Yesterday I really struggled with that one, that I’m not my body. I was limited in my food options for the day, and I realized how much I really depend on my chocolate, mixed nuts, and Shaklee smoothie to get me through the day. I struggled with anger, frustration, and then low energy, as I dealt with the change. I knew I could choose to be positive; I knew that thought is cause, and that I control my destiny. However, yesterday I felt like I just didn’t care. I felt like I just gave up. Yesterday instead of using my will power to still my mind and observe and change my thoughts, I used it to survive the day.
So, I got really hard on myself, feeling like I’d failed. And to that I added depression, dwelling on some unpleasantness at work and some general life struggles. I didn’t even realize I was attacking myself again. Then, last night my teacher said: “Do you think you haven’t changed?” I realized I thought I hadn’t. I still imagined myself to be where I was when I started class; I saw myself as stagnant. And I realized I knew that wasn’t actually true, or at least I believed it wasn’t true.
So then I took stock: I can meditate, sometimes for a half hour! My self-confidence is improving. I am beginning to believe that I am abundant and able. I am more open. I’m much more friendly with others. My mind is sometimes stilled (sometimes!). I no longer blame the universe when things don’t go “perfectly” for me; I look to the lesson behind the situation. I am remembering my dreams almost daily, and I’ve started analyzing them more and responding to them. I’m sure there’s more, but the point is: I have changed. I am exactly where I need to be.
I don’t think my self-image is going to improve overnight. (Though, yes, it’s possible!) I feel it’s going to take baby-steps:
1. Noticing my thoughts. Making small changes.
2. Finding things to celebrate each day.
3. Being grateful for the lessons learned each day.
A great start. 🙂