Image courtesy of Gualberto107 /

Image courtesy of Gualberto107 /

I cried during healing class tonight.  We were taking turns reading from Lesson 5: “The Effects of Emotions and Stress”, and I’d started reading a quote from an intuitive report, when I got choked up and couldn’t finish.  It was about “bitterness” and “resentment” and carrying the past into the present.  I flashed back to my health analysis, which advised me to study the root of my resentment.  “But I don’t know what that is!” I said.  But it could be that I don’t know myself, as both my health analysis and past life profile suggested.  I mean,  I’ve spent my life trying to be what I thought others wanted me to be, a chameleon who forgot her original color.  That could easily be the root of my anger, as well my resentment.

I also talked to my class about my judgemental-ness of my emotions.  (“I can’t believe you just had that emotion!”  I can’t believe you just judged that emotion!  “I can’t believe you’re judging the judgement” . . . “. . .”)

So, here are some things that I’m going to try this week.:

  • If I’m downward spiraling into a judgement whirlpool, still the mind.  (Be Still!‘)
  • Be kind to others.  This week I’m studying the virtue of “kindness” with the intention of being kind and gentle to others, so that I may learn how to be kind and gentle with myself.
  • Meditate on a higher power.  I asked my teacher what to focus on during meditation because my sessions sometimes felt a bit unfocused (basically, I wasn’t sure if I was doing it right).   He and my classmate said to listen to my heart (So, I guess I’ve been ok!) and to surrender to a higher power.  Creation and evolution come from I AM, and I need to connect to that source.  My teacher said that he connects with a Father God.  I’ve always felt a connection to the Virgen Mary (especially the apparitions of Guadalupe and Medjugorje)  so I choose to focus on a mother figure.

In the end, my classmates reminded me that I am exactly where I’m supposed to be — my conscious and subconscious have created the circumstances that I currently find myself in so that I can learn and grow — and that someday, I will be able to look back on this from the other side.  I smiled a teary smile and said, “God, I hope so!”

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