Emotions of the Day: Fear/Paranoia and Anger
Disclaimer: These are not the only emotions I had today, thank goodness — they are just the ones that I would like to learn from!
I had a mini-epiphany today and experienced a bit of euphoria. I’d like to get it back! I was feeling paranoid and fearful again today at work. And I said to myself: “Ok. Why is this coming up over and over again? If emotions are the subconscious trying to tell us something , what is the lesson here? One of the metaphysics lessons I was reviewing talked about recognizing negative affirmations and then directing the mind in a positive direction. So, what did I want, then? I imagined myself having a “Whatever” reaction to people I interacted with, in situations that were normally uncomfortable. I realized this did not resonate with me. It felt like I would be closing off. What about loving myself? And being happy with myself? Sure, sure. That sounds great.
Then, something clicked. I’m not sure what it was, but I got it. Loving myself, and accepting myself, while at the same time projecting that love out to whoever I was interacting with. A “Self, I love you, just because you are” at the same time as a “Wow, hey, and I really love you!” to whoever had approached me. Suddenly I felt like the my vision had expanded and I could see more of my surroundings. Everything looked brighter, as if someone had turned the lights up a notch. I think I had a taste of what enlightenment would feel like. Gradually, it faded, but it gave me hope. Maybe my insecure feelings are actually leading me right to my ideal (unconditional love for self and others) and my purpose (self empowerment). I am exactly where I need to be.
Would love to stop there, but we humans can experience a lot of emotions in one day! It can be hard to digest it all sometimes. On the very same day as my euphoria, I experienced a bout of anger. (I was angry earlier this week and tried the ice suggestions from my lesson — ice packs are all I actually had — the cold on my temples and the back of the head by the medulla oblongata, and that really works!) I don’t feel like I had a big epiphany with this one, but I did acknowledge my emotion and recognize it as a need to express myself, and then eventually express it. Pobrecito, Brian, but he is an excellent teacher for me! The important thing is not to let the anger carry me, to take a step back, cool down, and work with the thoughts behind the emotions. Also, I’m still working on addressing my anger sooner, when it’s still a little pocket of anger, as opposed to my jumbo-size garbage bag of anger, that stretches and then explodes.
A lot of learning again today. I look forward to some great dreams tonight!