Emotions are the gateway to our subconscious. (So, don’t ignore them!)
This past week I had an extreme emotional reaction at work. I’m not quite clear on what the catalyst was, but it had something to do with me worrying I had come across as goofy and that people were talking about me. My perspective restricted and I was frozen in fear: “OH MY GOD” I thought, “What if NO ONE likes me??
Suddenly, I was back in high school, reliving some adolescent fear. And then I stopped for a minute and thought, “Well, this is probably extreme. I’m sure they’re not even talking about me.” And then, “Well, what IF no one liked me . . . what then?” I recognized that this reaction tied right into my intuitive health analysis. I mean, there it was, staring my right in my face — dependency on acceptance and a fear of rejection. I still need to learn self-acceptance and self-empowerment.
I thought about this a bit. Mostly because I had other related thoughts pop into my head last week. Memories of rejection surfaced from my elementary school age. One was of a neighbor friend I used to play with, who joined the popular crowd one day. After one day at the playground, I quickly got the vibe that I was an unwanted tag-a-long. That day I took away that I wasn’t popular. And then there is another friend, family, who I’ve loved very, very much. As girls, we were inseparable when we were together. But when apart, she couldn’t be found. Letters drifted off. E-mails didn’t get responses. And I didn’t understand why. From that experience I took away that I was not worthy of someone’s time.
And now? What can I learn from these? Though these events are long past, the opportunity for learning is never lost, as long as our memory still serves. So, first of all, I can remember and recognize my feelings. I can recognize my fear of rejection, bring up those experiences and sit with them for a while, not suppressing those emotions (also without lingering in them).
And then: What is my new learning? As an adult, I can address the people I love and try to heal the breach. I can express my emotion, rather than burying it in resentment (to be experienced again later, anyway). Also, I can learn that my well-being doesn’t depend on the real or imagined acceptance or rejection of others. I can center myself, allowing illumination and experiencing the love of I AM. I need to love and accept myself. Loving myself is critical to my well-being. I desire to feel compassion and love for myself in all things, recognizing that I am spirit who is living, learning (sometimes struggling!), and evolving in the physical. And I desire to be compassionate and loving to the rest of creation.