Danger, Will Robinson!

Image courtesy of watiporn/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of watiporn/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I started off on the wrong foot this morning.  The one thing I did right was get to work on time (6:02 —  the latest you can punch in without being counted late and getting a strike, and I really visualized my buns off on that one!)  But it took me a while to straighten myself out.  I mistook my  180 breakfast smoothie glass as my unfortunate leaky water bottle and didn’t realize I had a problem until I liquid protein running down my leg and staining the edge of my shorts.  Of course, I was running late, so I only had time to dab at the mass devastation.  After my rapid punch-in, I rushed to the bathroom and ran damage-control on my wet, uncombed hair, panicked when I couldn’t find my ponytail holder, and  then viciously attacked the crusted streak of protein arced across my leg.  (Sorry for that visual.)  Thankfully, all it took was a few minutes and I was presentable enough for warehouse work.)

But work was a bear today.  I was going, going, going nonstop and saw no end in sight.  “Peak time is supposed to be over!”  I keep thinking.  “Give me the boring downtime. GIVE ME THE BORING DOWNTIME.”  For the first time at this new job, instead of being anxious and stressed, I experienced my first bout of depression, hopelessness.   I envisioned never-ending tables to check and endless books to reassign and process, and I really didn’t know when the worst would be over.  All I could do was pick up one foot at a time, one book at a time, and try really hard not to think about it.

I did think about my attitude, though.  Whereas before I’d always found some purpose in my activity at work, today I felt hopeless.  And I realized that I wanted people to notice.  I wanted people to see I was exhausted, down, and working too hard.  And I knew I was starting to spiral downward.  Isn’t this what you were just studying, Teri? I thought, Is this the vibration you want to be on today?  Today? I didn’t know.   I knew the dangers, though, and they rang true — I imagine a bad day, and I manifest one.  A rough day at work led to a more challenging tutoring session.  My weary self chugged on to my final job of the day, wanting nothing more than some comfort food/drink and some jammies. At 6:30 I got just that — Brian had pizza and garlic fries ready! — and I had a wonderful last session of the day!

It’s 9:18.  My lesson summaries are typed up, my blog is just about done . . . 3 exercises to go, and I’m off to bed.  Tomorrow’s going to be awesome!

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