I started off on the wrong foot this morning. The one thing I did right was get to work on time (6:02 — the latest you can punch in without being counted late and getting a strike, and I really visualized my buns off on that one!) But it took me a while to straighten myself out. I mistook my 180 breakfast smoothie glass as my unfortunate leaky water bottle and didn’t realize I had a problem until I liquid protein running down my leg and staining the edge of my shorts. Of course, I was running late, so I only had time to dab at the mass devastation. After my rapid punch-in, I rushed to the bathroom and ran damage-control on my wet, uncombed hair, panicked when I couldn’t find my ponytail holder, and then viciously attacked the crusted streak of protein arced across my leg. (Sorry for that visual.) Thankfully, all it took was a few minutes and I was presentable enough for warehouse work.)
But work was a bear today. I was going, going, going nonstop and saw no end in sight. “Peak time is supposed to be over!” I keep thinking. “Give me the boring downtime. GIVE ME THE BORING DOWNTIME.” For the first time at this new job, instead of being anxious and stressed, I experienced my first bout of depression, hopelessness. I envisioned never-ending tables to check and endless books to reassign and process, and I really didn’t know when the worst would be over. All I could do was pick up one foot at a time, one book at a time, and try really hard not to think about it.
I did think about my attitude, though. Whereas before I’d always found some purpose in my activity at work, today I felt hopeless. And I realized that I wanted people to notice. I wanted people to see I was exhausted, down, and working too hard. And I knew I was starting to spiral downward. Isn’t this what you were just studying, Teri? I thought, Is this the vibration you want to be on today? Today? I didn’t know. I knew the dangers, though, and they rang true — I imagine a bad day, and I manifest one. A rough day at work led to a more challenging tutoring session. My weary self chugged on to my final job of the day, wanting nothing more than some comfort food/drink and some jammies. At 6:30 I got just that — Brian had pizza and garlic fries ready! — and I had a wonderful last session of the day!
It’s 9:18. My lesson summaries are typed up, my blog is just about done . . . 3 exercises to go, and I’m off to bed. Tomorrow’s going to be awesome!