I’ve been learning up a storm this week. And the overall theme is this piece from my latest metaphysics lesson: the ego is there to point out your limitations (your outdated ways of thinking) and to help you evolve. Change can be uncomfortable; it means stepping into your fears. If you choose to avoid the awkwardness and stay where you are, your ego doesn’t evolve. Many times people choose what’s comfortable, choose to be static, but that is not why we are here on this Earth. Every moment is part of our learning process.
These past few weeks I’ve learned a great many things. Most recently I experienced the surge of emotion as my immature ego rebelled against a perceived attack. It retreated and sizzled, wrestling with hurt, anger, frustration, and then depression. I knew there was a lesson in the experience. And I knew I had missed it. Thankfully, I got the chance again; I made it right.
One of the lessons I need to learn is to express myself (in a healthy way). When I react to something, I retreat and do not share with others. I let my words fester in my throat, in my chest or stomach, instead of releasing them as a vibrant rainbow. So, yesterday I shared. It wasn’t easy, but the results were fantastic. I’d been inspired by another classmate who had so confidently and comfortably shared her own battle with her immature ego. Then, once I shared, I was able to make peace, to learn, and to feel safe again. Then others began to share. Some felt just as awkward as I did. Others were just as confident as the first. But as a result, I felt the closeness between us grow. I could feel the knots of our love wind more tightly together. This was my class now. I belonged. We became family.
The miraculous part of it all is that my ego had wanted to quit. My ego had said: “I’m hurt. I don’t like the changes. I’m not going to do my exercises. I’ll show them!” And I did miss a few. But in my head, I knew what I would do. I knew the angels had told me to take this class, no matter what other decisions I chose in life. I knew that I wanted this learning badly and wouldn’t be able to find the same learning structure anywhere else. And then my wacky Wednesday morning dream turned out to be a positive dream, and I breathed a sense of relief, my doubts completely subsided, and I was at peace again. In fact, last night was one of the best classes I’ve had. My attention felt sharper, I knew most of the answers to the quiz, I felt comfortable with all of my classmates, and the end was pure love.
It’s time to face the fire and walk through it. Discomfort means growth. Fear means you’re really getting somewhere. And in the end, the only thing to lose is your own limitations.