I finally told writing that I just wanted to be friends. I was becoming too obsessed with “should”s; I felt like I had to spend all my time with writing, even though I started dreading it. Inside I knew I needed some space, but outwardly I was determined to do right by writing. I tried scheduling some private time with writing. I tried taking writing out on dates (but we only ever made it to the library). I tried reading books about how to have a better writing relationship, and I tried becoming friends with others who were friends or were intimate with writing.
Finally, it took an intervention from my life/career coach to realize I had to break things off with writing. Our relationship wasn’t fun anymore. It was too forced. Too contrived. Maybe I was as interested in writing for the wrong reasons. All I could think about was where our relationship was going. Everything we did together had to have a purpose. Writing wouldn’t speak to me as much anymore, and I was relieved.
But now I find that I miss writing. I miss our daily meet-ups on-line. And I don’t know if I like that we aren’t officially dating anymore. There are still times, like right now, when I am involved with writing, and I’m happier than any other time during the week. I lose sense of what else is going on around me; I feel happy; I feel complete.
Isn’t that what love is?
So, I don’t want to give up writing. I want to stay together. But, I’m willing and eager to start fresh. I mean, not completely. I want to keep our daily Internet date; that’s always worked out. But maybe we can experiment in other parts of our relationship. Some new venues; some new formats. Maybe we can spend more time in the car together; squeeze in some moments between classes at work. And maybe we can find some new ways to interact, to communicate. But no pressure. No expectations. This is a time to explore our relationship, to learn who we are apart and together. And to just flirt a little bit, just play.
I know writing will always be there for me, no matter how we define our relationship, and no matter what pops up in my life.
I look forward to what tomorrow might bring.