"Old Letters And Quill" courtesy of Simon Howden / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

“Old Letters And Quill” courtesy of Simon Howden / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I finally told writing that I just wanted to be friends.  I was becoming too obsessed with “should”s; I felt like I had to spend all my time with writing, even though I started dreading it.  Inside I knew I needed some space, but outwardly I was determined to do right by writing.  I tried scheduling some private time with writing.  I tried taking writing out on dates (but we only ever made it to the library).  I tried reading books about how to have a better writing relationship, and I tried becoming friends with others who were friends or were intimate with writing.

Finally, it took an intervention from my life/career coach to realize I had to break things off with writing.  Our relationship wasn’t fun anymore.  It was too forced.  Too contrived.  Maybe I was as interested in writing for the wrong reasons.  All I could think about was where our relationship was going.   Everything we did together had to have a purpose.  Writing wouldn’t speak to me as much anymore, and I was relieved.

But now I find that I miss writing.  I miss our daily meet-ups on-line.  And I don’t know if I like that we aren’t officially dating anymore.   There are still times, like right now, when I am involved with writing, and I’m happier than any other time during the week.  I lose sense of what else is going on around me; I feel happy; I feel complete.

Isn’t that what love is?

So, I don’t want to give up writing.  I want to stay together.  But, I’m willing and eager to start fresh.  I mean, not completely.  I want to keep our daily Internet date; that’s always worked out.  But maybe we can experiment in other parts of our relationship.  Some new venues; some new formats.   Maybe we can spend more time in the car together; squeeze in some moments between classes at work.  And maybe we can find some new ways to interact, to communicate.  But no pressure.  No expectations.  This is a time to explore our relationship, to learn who we are apart and together.   And to just flirt a little bit, just play.

I know writing will always be there for me, no matter how we define our relationship, and no matter what pops up in my life.

I look forward to what tomorrow might bring.

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