The other part about “Letting it Go” involves saying “No.”Martha Beck mentioned something in her book Steering By Starlight, that as you change, you may find that you have less in common with those you know. You may drift away and find people on a similar path to yours. My life/career coach, Cindy Dove, has mentioned to me a few times that I need to “find my tribe.”
I’ve been an oddball all my life, so I don’t really see that my life is changing in a major way. I’ve always felt awkward (and often bored) in social situations. I think it’s part of my truth energy. But what I DO see is that I’m beginning to say “No” to things when I know I won’t have a good time. Do I still feel guilty? Absolutely. But I’m confident that will change soon.
Just this week I said “No” (or just stopped going) to FOUR activities. Afterwards I began justifying my position to myself to try to make the guilt just go away. But the truth is, I chose not to do those things. And I’m glad I didn’t do them. I really wasn’t needed, I would have been miserable, and I would have added negative energy to the group.
And I know that when I say “Yes” and I really mean “No”, it affects me later down the line. As I’ve mentioned before, I used to get really bent out of shape when people would drop out of their commitments with me or not respond to invitations at all. I used to be furious with Brian when I’d ask him if he wanted to go with me to ____________ activity, and he would simply tell me “No.” We’re a couple! I woud think. We’re supposed to do EVERYTHING together! That’s what they expect! I would think this, even as I realized I was having a much better time on my own, and knowing that he would have been completely miserable if he’d come with.
And these situations with Brian and similar situations with my friends really bothered me because I never gave myself permission to do the same. Now I can say “This really isn’t for me” and understand and accept that others are free to make those same decisions.
I’m looking forward to a quiet weekend this weekend. This morning I heard myself think: “I should call so-and-so and maybe plan such-and-such, since I don’t have any commitments.” And then I thought: “Nah . . . this weekend that isn’t for me.”