I think I’ve been unhappy for so long that I forgot how to be happy.
Don’t get me wrong. I don’t have a miserable life. I have my basic needs met: food on the table, a roof over my head, clothes, transportation, etc I’m not struggling for survival. And I do fun things. I’ve gone on trips, watched movies, read great books, been in a musical, and spent time with those I love. But overall? I’ve been unhappy. Very much so.
I never felt like I knew what I wanted to do with my life, and after college I continued on a path that I felt I’d randomly chose, increasingly aimless, heart-less, listless, and eventually frustrated and depressed.
But I didn’t know I could do better, and I was afraid to try.
Until I had to.
Sometimes it takes hitting bottom to quit digging yourself deeper. When I realized I was coming home depressed, stressed, and/or angry every day, I knew something had to change. I am thankful for Shaklee, or I know I would have become sick. And yet even that may not have been enough, but forces within my environment also began pushing me on. And though I was upset, angry, and resistant to the changes at the time, I am ever so grateful now.
Because I’m beginning to find what happiness is. For example, I think I actually like teaching. People kept telling me that I just needed the right situation, that I truly am a teacher. But I didn’t believe them. I believed that I was awful, teaching was awful, and the half-hearted decision I’d made on my major those many years ago was awful.
How do I feel now? Terribly nervous: “Do I know what I’m doing?” “Can I handle so many different grades? “What will the students be like?” But I’m pleased to notice other feelings also emerging: excitement . . . contentment.
Can I work and like it? Yes!
And I can also play.
The little girl who danced around the house to the Nutcracker in her fluffy ballerina skirt now rocks it out to pop, rock, and latin tunes in her kitchen and living room.
The girl who started stories now journals, blogs, and still dreams.
And she’s finding some fun new things to explore, like meditation, her intuition, and her artistic side.
So, this is the story of the girl who found what she was looking for. She veered of the path and began to explore the forest. The girl was scared — the forest was be dark — but then she began to see light through trees.
And then the girl was happy. . .