Still. . . the birds. . .
Birds are flying over all the time. And now I’m dreaming about birds. Two nights ago I faced a large red bird with a blue sheen. I was afraid to face it, thinking it might poke my eyes out or something, but I kept forcing myself to face it, wanting to know what the bird had to say. In last night’s dream, birds were flying overhead, and one was a flamingo. I remember thinking about how gangly it looked flying above me, like a long, gawky chicken.
I believe I’m still trying to be contacted, to be given a message, even if it’s just assurance.
And then today I realized I was getting number symbols again. I have a great interest in numbers. A fascination. I’m always looking at my odometer, hoping to catch a palindrome, and I often do. I also have a particular interest in the combination 9-11 because of an interesting story I had with that number combination years ago. I also like 12:34.
This new combination started with “666”. Yes, creepy. But then, so is 9-11, and that one turned out ok. At first I thought I was being given a warning. But thinking on it, I think it’s just another way the universe is trying to get my attention. Yesterday I went out for a casual retirement dinner, and my bill for my meal was $16.66. Of course, the last part caught my eye. What are the odds of that? At least the one was in front, though. So, I just stayed extra alert on the drive from the restaurant. Then, today, I filled up my gas tank, and what was the total number of gallons? 11.666. I know it’s not the exact same number — bBut it’s got the 1. It’s got the 666. And WHAT are the odds that I have those same numbers in 2 days?
Something’s going on.
I’ve been having some good talks with some of my colleagues lately. They’ve talked about changes in their lives and the coincidental circumstances that led to new opportunities. I find myself jealous of their good fortune. But I realize that their blessing is not mine. Their situations are not what I really want. So, I think that is why the universe is not providing it for me.
This is scary in itself — because I do not know what I want! I think I know what I want. And I am pretty sure of what I don’t want. . .
And for the here and now I mostly want to know that everything is going to be ok. Many people have told me that I will be and have applauded my risks. Of course, a few others are skeptical and second-guess me.
I am willing to suffer for a while if I know it will lead to my eventual happiness. I am ready to run the extra mile. I just have to know what to believe in. And I have to believe in myself.